Today I felt like I was failing. I looked around and felt stuck in a storm of chaos. There were toys all over the floor. There were even more books scattered and strewn about the same floor guaranteeing a good chance of tripping and falling while our two month old son Ethan screamed in my arms. The mess was so strategically placed there by my sweet two year old of a tornado named Lauren.
That was just one room. The laundry room was wall to wall heaps of dirty laundry and the kitchen sink was/is afloat with gross dishes. I still had to get lunch finished for that picky, little foodie Lauren, get Ethan to burp so I could finish breastfeeding him, and then attempt nap time. It was swirling all around and I was reminded of a time when I got things done in an unflinching manner. You could eat off our floors because they were so clean (not because there’s a good chance you’ll find crumbs for a snack that our dog hasn’t gotten to yet like today). My hair was fixed, my make up on, and what I was wearing didn’t have wrinkles. Today my hair is every where, make up was a distant thought, and baby barf is on my my nursing tank and PJ bottoms. I felt gross and overwhelmed.
Ethan finally gave up a burp while Lauren was eating lunch, and then he slipped into the nap he had been fighting. I put him to bed and while Lauren was melting down because I wasn’t holding her. I wiped her tears and calmed her down so that we could have our nap time routine. Then it happened. We prayed. I started singing to her like I have every day for the last 2 and a half years. Then when I started singing Beautiful by Phil Wickham like I have every day of her life, but this time she started singing along. She sang along almost every word to that song. This song speaks of the beauty of Jesus, His sacrifice, and the promise we have in Him. He is beautiful.
In that moment, the beauty of His love for me lifted out of the bog, and opened my eyes. I saw that my efforts to put the truth of the Gospel in front of Lauren every day have planted seeds. She may not understand the weight of glory attached to those words, but she knows them which means I will get to explain them to her one day. That is such a wave of hope washed over me that I desperately needed. I needed to be reminded that I’m not just a laundress, cook, snack maker, diaper changer, and on and on. I’m a daughter of a King who died for me. I am the mommy given to my children to teach them the Gospel in word and deed. I’m more than the mess around me. I’m to carry the name of Jesus to my children and the world around me.
There will probably be messes and dishes every day, but I’m thankful to be reminded of why God called me to be a mommy and wife in the first place. It is for His name and renown. I hope anyone reading this will hold fast to this truth and rediscover it for themselves today and everyday.