What a year of change this has been. In May, our son Ethan was born. We finally sold our house in August, and in September we packed up our whole life and moved across the country to Kansas. When I say change, I mean major changeS (note the capital S).
If you’ve ever moved you know it’s vital to sit down and see as many people that you love and care about as you can. Every visit we had was precious to me and I hold all those who we were able to see so close to my heart for making us a priority (even if the visit was short). I know there were those who had the best of intentions in seeing us, but there was something so dear to me about those who made the time and effort to see us one more time.
One of my visits was with a dear, sweet woman named Kristi. Kristi is one of those people who makes you feel peace just by being near her. Everything she says and does shows her heart that is so set on serving Jesus and others. She has been a source of encouragement and a blessing to our family for as long as we’ve known her. We were talking about the visits we had and I talked to her about getting to see some of my old co-workers. I had the best time seeing some of these friends that were such a big part of that season in my life. We talked about the age old questions you get when you decide to stay home with your children: “Do you miss working?” “Do you get bored a lot now?” “Do you miss adult conversation?” These are just a few that you get. Any of you that have made this decision know these questions by heart, and you’ve probably answered them on so many occasions that you have a go-to answer handy. My answer to each is honest. I miss the time that working seemed to afford me. I worked where I was allowed to have two paid breaks every day plus an hour for lunch. I always went to the bathroom alone, and I ate three meals a day. Those were givens. I was always interested in the work I did because it was so creative in nature, and I had so much fun getting to know and interact with those I worked beside everyday so there was always plenty of conversation. Even through that honesty here’s what my answers are: I DO NOT MISS WORKING BECAUSE I WORK HARDER THAN EVER, BUT I LOVE WHAT I DO SO MUCH MORE! Now the weight of responsibility is higher. I am the responsible adult (WEIRD) in the room that everyone else is depending on for everything. It’s up to me to teach our children things and to shape them into the likeness of Christ by how I love them and sharing the gospel with them in word and deed. Breaks and lunch aren’t a given anymore, but what I do is so much more valuable to me (I only speak for myself) in the big picture of serving in the Kingdom.
I said all of this to Kristi, and she paused and in her wisdom she said, “It’s the hardest job I have ever loved.” I’ve been rolling this around in my mind trying to get my head around it. What else can you do when someone says something so perfectly that it encompasses how you feel in one sentence? That sentence summed up all that I feel and haven’t been able to put into words about staying at home with our children. I think this sentence IS NOT just stay at home mom exclusive. I know so many working moms that would feel the same when discussing motherhood in general. There’s never a job I could love more than the one that demands every bit of everything I have to give everyday for the sake of my stunningly beautiful blessings Lauren and Ethan.
There’s so much truth in this for me in this season. Right now, life is hard. The last two weeks have been some of the hardest, most exhausting, most exciting weeks of my life. I’ve been juggling all the regular scheduled things while trying help our babies adjust to a whole new environment, learning a whole new area, unpacking the mountain of boxes, potty training, setting up, shopping for new things (I WILL NOT BE EXCITED TO SEE AN IKEA AGAIN FOR A LONG TIME), and trying my best to give us all the feeling of home again. I honestly can not wait until we all get back to having a sense of normalcy. Until then I’ll just keep at working to the end of myself at the hardest job I’ve ever loved. Be encouraged in knowing it’s okay that it’s hard, but be sure not to miss the love in it either.