There are moments that make you feel like you, no matter how imperfect, have gotten something right. These “small” victories come along and they lift us. They remind us to stay in the fight. Some days seem like an uphill battle, and there are seasons that feel so entrenched in challenge, we are not sure they will end, or that hard times will pass.
I am very aware of who I am. I see my faults, and I see my strengths. I know what areas I am gifted in, and what areas will always be in progress. One thing I am certain of is that my ability to love my children grows to new capacities I can not understand every day. Who knew love could run this deep? Who knew my heart could be so captivated by sticky hands and sweaty baby feet? They have me, and they have me right where they want me. One giggle or smile and I am undone by the flood of emotion that washes over me. I know what it means to love someone so much that you would give your last breath for them. Lauren and Ethan have a mommy that works to the end of herself so that love I feel might be completely obvious to them.
That does not mean I always get it right. I am not always as patient as I should be. I am not always as creative as I would like to be. I am sometimes too busy trying to “get it all done” that I miss out on some of the magic in each moment with them. I know I do not get it right all the time, but moments like last night more than confirm that I am not getting it wrong as often as I think I am either.
After praying, rocking her, and singing to her last night, Lauren looked at me and said, “Momma, Jesus loves me!” I am undone that in the midst of my being busy God would still see fit to sew seeds into Lauren’s life that would illuminate her heart to this truth. All I could say was, “Yes He does! He loves you most, and we know that because of the cross!” I tucked her in and kissed her sweet face and said good night. I love her so much, and those moments teach me that even when I feel spent and like I do not have much to give, I am still pouring into her in a way that she knows the most important truth she will ever need to know. Jesus does love her, and I hope one day she accepts that love and His sacrifice and calls Him savior. Those “small” victories are the spring board for all of our tomorrows. Wrap up in them as they come along, and wring out every bit of joy in each moment. I am thankful more than I can express to Christ for that moment, and I pray that I would always be this filled up when they come.