It started with nighttime prayers. I asked Lauren if there was anything she wanted to thank God for or ask God for. She looked at me with a very serious face after pausing to consider and said, “Momma, I want a baby sister.” I said, “You want a baby sister?” She said, “Yes, of course!” I told her that she could always ask God for anything, anytime. She prayed, and then I tucked her in.
As I got into our bed, I began counting. As I counted I thought to myself that maybe I should take a pregnancy test. I talked to Rob, and we bought some that next night so I could take them the following morning.
There I sat fully convinced that there was no way I was going to see anything, but then I saw the first faint plus sign. Then I saw another on the next. I sat in disbelief for a few moments. I was definitely in shock, and at a loss for words. Since it was faint, I called my doctor’s office and they set up a lab appointment for me. That test came back with a STRONG positive.
Rob was home when I got the call, and his smile beamed as he hugged and kissed me. I am not sure I’ve ever had such a strong mixture of excitement and terror.
The excitement was so real, but so was the realization that we were going to be what might as well be a million miles from home through this pregnancy and with a newborn after. We had the best support system back home, and the realization that this time was going to be very different was a bit heartbreaking.
I remember our hospital room being full or having a constant stream of visitors with both our babies. We were so blessed to know so many great people who wanted to celebrate with us, and thinking that we wouldn’t see those faces now just really broke something in me. It made me so sad.
I prayed a few days about this, and then I remembered that no matter the distance or the differences, we were still going to get to have a baby. I was going to get to feel first flutters, see a sweet face in a sonogram again, see my tummy roll in the wake of big movements, and see another baby for the first time. I have had to choose to remember to place my focus on the joy in all that.
As shock wore off, excitement was all that was left. Even though we couldn’t see everyone face to face that we wanted to tell, we’ve been making FaceTime and phone calls to share the news, and the joy expressed for us has made everything more and more real. It’s also served to remind us how great the new friendships we have are becoming, and it’s reminded us that distance and miles have in no way changed the love we share with so many great friends.
I also couldn’t imagine having another baby anywhere besides Community in San Angelo or with another doctor besides Dr. Hajovsky. I actually cried lots of real tears considering this. We were blessed with the best nurses, and doctor anyone could have so having anyone else seemed awful. We were blessed to find an amazing doctor here who I like very much.
We’ve honestly been praying for the last several months about whether we were going to maybe have another baby, and we really weren’t sure if or when a right time would be.
I actually told Rob the one thing I kept thinking was that I wasn’t sure I’d want to have more babies into my thirties or really even after thirty. Well, my due date is on my thirtieth birthday! God has an incredible sense of humor!
I have been sick a lot this pregnancy and continue to lose weight which isn’t a good thing. If there’s anything I would ask you to pray about, it’s that the blinding nausea will pass so I can stay healthy for me and our baby. Being so sick made finishing up my semester really hard. When you’re so sick you can hardly sit up, reading hundreds of pages each week and writing papers is basically the worst. I’m glad I was able to finish out my semester while keeping up my goal of having a 4.0, but more than that I am just ready for a break!
As I sit and think about what a blessing this baby already is, I have a heart full of joy and thanksgiving. T-MINUS 27-ish weeks to go!
One thing that has really been a blessing to us this time is that Lauren is old enough to really understand and be excited. Every night her sweet voice speaks these words, “There’s a baby in momma’s tummy. God bless the baby is momma’s tummy, and I want a baby sister. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen!” I don’t know if I can adequately express what a blessing hearing this is and the flood of emotion that hits me every time she prays this.
As I began to think about what lies ahead, I expressed my concerns to Rob about just not being sure I could handle three kiddos, and the very real feeling that I might fail. I asked him to let my Mother’s Day gift be something I could look at to encourage me now and on the days that will surely come later that I will feel doubt.
My husband is incredible. He designed and had a piece of wall decor made for me. It says, “Your greatest need is your greatest strength.” My greatest need in every part of my life is Jesus, and in every bit of weakness I have, His strength is made perfect in me! I don’t have to and can’t be strong enough on my own. Every minute of every day, His strength is there for me to lean and depend on! Oh, I rejoice and thank God for making Rob my husband. I rejoice that he constantly puts truth in front of me and helps it find a way to my heart. I will cherish this gift for the rest of my days.
I’m reminded to choose joy today by the same voice and heart that was speaking over me when I heard God call out to me on the night I accepted Christ as my Savior. Thank you Morgan. In this season, it was an incredible blessing.
Things will undoubtedly be different this time, but I can choose to find the joy in where God has us and what He is going to do. This is where we are, and God called us here and will be just as steadfast and true as He has been from before the foundations of the earth were set.
I can remember everything He has already done for us in this time and place, and I can remember that there is so much joy ahead.
So seven-ish weeks from now we’ll know if we’ll be meeting Hannah or Matthew…