I read a Facebook status update last night that really bothered me. It talked about an article a friend read that basically indicated that husbands of stay at home wives didn’t feel the need to pitch in at home because they work at a job. If you read my last post, you can imagine that this would bother me – but it should bother everyone.
I am going to talk about why this bothers me from the perspective of a person and not just a wife who stays home.
The indications in this say something about how each person is valued in marriage that should be a partnership. That value should be seen as equal. Both people equal in value and worth. Both created in the image and likeness of God and created with equal worth in His sight. A wife and mother is not lesser than a husband. One of my favorite things that I’ve ever heard at a wedding goes something like this, “Woman was not taken from man’s head to be over him, or made from his foot to be tred on, but was taken from his side to stand with and next to him.” Ezer kenegdo means, “sustainer beside him,” and that is the definition of helpmate.
When our pastor explained submission in marriage during our premarital counseling, he shared what the Bible said which was that husbands should love their brides like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. He described it as a self-sacrificing love that put her and the family above everything but God Himself. In that love, women are free to submit in joy and to be covered by it because it doesn’t crush and abuse them but rather nurtures and protects them.
I think somewhere along the lines, the picture of what this should look like has gotten lost and wives have become unpaid maids and nannies or trophies who get taken out and shined up to show off on occasion who should just put up and shut up in some homes.
Neither husbands or wives are called to live this way. It is heartbreaking that this is reality inside homes and inside the body of Christ today.
This doesn’t mean that either husbands or wives get it all right all the time. I think that in some ways we all take each other for granted sometimes, but if your wife is run ragged and you do nothing to minister to her or help her, you have failed her. You have failed her heart the most in this though by leaving her alone to carry a weight that belongs to both of you. Any woman who feels abandoned by the man she promised to walk with feels that in a deep place, even if she doesn’t say or show it.
It’s not up to just either of you husbands and wives, it’s up to both of you. Wives, SAY SOMETHING! The longer you’re alone in it, the bigger chance you have of becoming bitter and the longer you go carrying pain that keeps you from walking in a life covered by love. Husband, repent, and turn from this neglect. Remember why you chose this woman in the first place. See her for who she is, and not the things she gets done. Sacrifice for her. Help her. Love her more. Restore her.
The post/article I read was specifically about stay at home moms, but this applies to all marriages, no matter what you each do all day.
I’ll close by sharing a clip from a pastor I listen to often. May we love each other better and serve in joy with the same heart as Christ.