This morning was busy. I mean, most are, but add in being 39 weeks pregnant and it’s a whole new ballgame!
Rob has been blessed with the opportunity to serve as part of the worship team at church so Sunday mornings will be interesting until I get a solid routine down. All of that to say, I have not gotten a routine down so I was not near as organized as I like to be today.
Lauren got up first and while she was hanging out I started to get dressed. About 30% into that, Ethan woke up so I twisted my hair in a bun and kept on trucking. My current fashion goal is very simple – must cover baby mountain! After I found a shirt and popped in my contacts, I left our room.
Upside to mornings no matter how busy: Ethan is always happy to see me. I got him downstairs and my sweet girl grabbed a diaper for him. After he was clean and dry, I tried to give him some snuggles, but we were T-minus one hour until we needed to leave the house. I got him on the couch and plugged in the Foreman on my way by. I then got out the griddle.
I always joke that I have ruined my kids. They seriously will not eat anything from a box besides one kind of organic, steel-cut oatmeal, and we were out of it. As I began mixing pancake batter, Ethan voiced his displeasure at the fact that I wasn’t holding him. I let him in the kitchen and he watched. I like how fascinated he is by seeing eggs and flour and vanilla and everything mix together to become one of his favorite breakfasts. After he calmed and roamed around the island, he was ready to go back in the living room to play.
I thought to myself that life would be easier if they would eat cereal – especially given my current circumference. Then my next thought was that what is important isn’t what’s easy for me – what’s important is that they know even when I am not comfortable and tired I will show up giving 100% that I have to give for them. I set this in my mind when I found out we were pregnant again. I knew it would be hard, but I also knew that it was good practice for when I feel that way and there’s a new baby to bounce. I wanted to keep loving them and caring for them the way they expected me to. This does not mean I’m Super Mom or that I want to or will tie my identity into measuring up to anyone’s standards, but it does mean knowing that my 100% may not be what I want it to be but in that, I can be okay with that being enough. That was not easy to reconcile for me. It was not easy to let myself off that “hook” I’ve written about before, but I thank God for the freedom in it.
I got pancakes and bacon on plates and got my babies fed and dressed,(15 minutes behind schedule). I was packing bags and loading up – friends, remind me to start doing this on Saturday nights! I got everyone and everything loaded and started driving to church.
About four minutes down the road a song I love came on. I am a big fan of the Passion movement, the 268 generation, and the worship band. I listen to them often. Today Let It Be Jesus sung by Christy Knockles came on. I turned it up a bit and started singing along. At that same moment, Lauren did too.
She sang every word. I looked back in my “kid mirror” and watched her raise her little hands and lift up her voice without hesitation or reservation. She just sang and worshipped. I cried the rest of the way to church.
It’s easy to miss it. It’s easy to do “all the things” while not being ultimately mindful that I’m really shepherding hearts and living a life of worship in all things. Yes in the songs I sing and listen to and what I put in front of my babies, but also in making pancakes and getting everyone to church 20 minutes late because that’s the best I could do. If my 100% is reaping that fruit, I’ll take it and thank God for the grace He’s given me in it.
Here’s a link to the song. I am sure I’ll be listening to it and reading this again soon in the days ahead. I have a feeling the next time I get myself and three babies to church there will be hiccups, but I’m glad to have a Name above every name to call on.