Out Loud

Tags

Developmental delay, expressive language delay, Language delay, prayer, praying out loud

Saying it’s been a hectic month doesn’t seem intense enough a statement for what life has looked like, but saying things are going good doesn’t seem like a positive enough one either. 

As we get settled after moving back across the country, I’m thinking back over the last week, and my heart is still rejoicing over one moment in particular that shifted my vision and reminded me of God’s heart. 

I was driving to pick my niece up from the airport, and I was praying out loud. I remember our pastor Bob encouraging us to do that. He talked about the freedom and the power in just saying and hearing your heart pour out to the Lord. I’ll admit, it felt super awkward at first, but now it feels like freedom. I find myself being more honest out loud. There’s something in that where being willing to get over the first awkward part really frees you up to be honest in ways you may not know you need to be. 

As I was praying, I prayed about the kid’s new schools. I prayed for loving teachers who will “get” them and help them. I also thanked God for the miracle that is their continued progress and asked for more. I prayed and talked about the hurt in my heart for not hearing their voices or knowing what they need or think all the time because they can’t just always tell me. I told God how hard it was and how I longed to hear them. 

Then I still, small voice whispered to my heart, “I know what it means to long to hear from your children.” That went off like a bomb in my heart and mind. It was the voice that said I know your hurt. It was the voice that said you aren’t alone in this. It was the voice that said I can heal this hurt because I know it. It was the voice that invited me into more time and depth with my Abba Father. 

This revelation has given me renewed hope in this struggle. He’s there, listening, caring, and responding when I call out. He’s there for you too. In all of this struggle, I have to always remember that as an heir and daughter of God the most important thing I can do is sit with Him, be honest with Him, and trust His father heart. 

I’m thankful for this moment that affirmed so much for me, and I’m thankful for all that God has done to show me He loves me. 

Boxes

Tags

being thankful, faith, moving, trusting in God

My summer is ending much differently than it started. Very soon, our things will be tidily (I’m hoping) stored in boxes to be carted across the country again. This was not what I thought we would have been doing a year ago or even months ago, but nevertheless, here we are. It’s a great thing and opportunity, and I couldn’t be more proud of my husband. Change always brings about the need to make a solid strategy for me. That means getting it organized in a list. 

The to-do lists are never ending. They are jam packed with home repair projects and finding a new pediatrician and school system and a housing situation! There are those things, and countless others. It’s easy to feel like you are getting washed away in a rolling sea, but then I remember, this is not our burden; it is our gift. 

Surely, life is always changing, and as we are embarking on an opportunity that will bring lots of change, and I know that no matter what that looks like, we’ll make it all work, together. No matter our address, home is where we’re together. No matter the career my husband is in, God provides our needs. We have so much more to be thankful for than stressed about. 

In what feels like a deluge of work with very little rest, I have to remember all that we have to be thankful for. I have to remember where to cast my cares, and where to look and whose name covers me. 

As the list gets marked off and we prepare to begin a whole set of “new” again, I’m reminded that the stuff in the boxes is just that- stuff. I have to remember to take care of us and me. I have been really bad about the “me” part in the middle of all the busy. Friends reading this, send me a text or pigeon reminding me to eat and drink water! 

As life gets even busier, we have so much to look forward to. I am really looking forward to seeing family and friends more. I’m proud of all my husband has accomplished, and I look forward to watching him take on this new role. I’m praying for a church home, and kind and loving friends for us and the kids soon. I’m praying protection for their new schools and teachers who love and “get” them. 

I’m hopeful. At some points during my time here, it seemed to hard to even hope for a sense of belonging or friendship because of being crushed by the weight of that not happening went on for a very long time and was painful. As our calendar fills up with good byes, I am thankful we ended up meeting some people who really cared about us. 

In the end, the only thing I should be is thankful. I’ll get there soon. I hope until then, I’ll keep taking deep breaths while hoping for the strength to know what I know. 

Even in our move here, I can see how God was preparing a way for needs we didn’t know we had. Lauren and Ethan having access to the education opportunities and speech therapies wouldn’t have happened where we were. We have gotten to walk with and pray for people, and as I see things change for them, I see why God established those relationships. 

He already knew what we needed and where we needed to be. Even in the loneliness, He ministered to our hearts and built new foundations in us. I walk differently because of that. I sit at His feet differently. I know His love differently. I couldn’t have all of that without being picked up and moved out of all that was comfortable and familiar. 

I am thankful my God loves me and is always for our family, and I am thankful He heard our prayer and opened so many new doors through what is really a phenomenal opportunity. He is good in all things, and even though everything feels new and unfamiliar, He is steadfast and true! 

I’ll close by sharing a song that has helped my heart during this season, and if your life looks like this at all, I hope it helps yours too.