black excellence, black lives matter, Christian, Christian Women, courage, Friendship, God's grace, God's love, God's truth, grace, Healing, hope, hope in Christ, hurt, identity, identity in Christ, kindness, love, marriage, Parenting, Prejudice, protecting children, purpose, racism, raising children, self care, Serving, sonship, the gospel, unconditional love, unity, Women
Being close to me does not mean you are not racist. Please do not make me your token card that proves you are not racist. That is not my job. That is not my role in my humanity.
I grew up in a family that was the most diverse one around me. I learned to love people for who they were. These people loved me so well. I never looked at them and saw difference. I just saw my family.
I grew up in a community where most of the kids were white or Hispanic, and there were very few African American kids. There was no one who looked like me. I always felt like the odd man out.
I’ll never forget the first play date that I had with a white friend. Her mom bought us coloring books and made snacks for us. She was always so kind, and I was welcomed in her home. I have often thought back on this experience and what it meant to me to feel completely accepted. Laura, thank you and your family for genuinely loving and welcoming me.
This was much different than my experience a few years later. I had a best friend that I played with everyday. I asked her if she wanted to come to my house to play. She was so excited. I was so excited.
The next day at recess she said her mom said she couldn’t come to my house because it was on the South Side. She said it’d be best if we didn’t play together anymore. I’ll never forget the feeling I had when she walked away from me at recess. It wasn’t the last time I’d feel it.
There were all these people who didn’t “see color,” but definitely wouldn’t let their kids date someone who wasn’t white. It was okay because, “…it was just the way I was raised.” That’s garbage. That’s bigotry. That’s racism.
You aren’t nice. You aren’t a good person. You don’t not see color. The world needs you to be a better human. The world needs you to recognize your blind spots and grips on privilege. I need you to do that.
If you love me, don’t be close to me so that you can hold me up on the altar of your ego that keeps you from looking at the places in and around you that have to be different.
I deserve better. I will love you deeply and with full sincerity. I will pray for you and with you. I will be your friend and sister in Christ, but I will not be your access to staying comfortable at the cost of inflicting tokenism on me.
I won’t carry that for you. Clean it up on your own. Do the work. Do not expect me to do it for you. Don’t let the lightness of my skin make you think I’m immune to prejudice and racism. Don’t let that make you comfortable in your proximity to me. I will always love every part of who I am.
My husband fully sees me and loves me. He does the work everyday. He is fiercely protective of our biracial children. He is fiercely protective and quick to tell anyone he’s married to a beautiful, Black woman. I know what it means to be fully loved and seen and accepted so I recognize the opposite when I see it.
To not be fully seen is not to be fully known or loved. Do not miss seeing something that’s so beautiful and special about me that you miss seeing me. My Blackness has been an important part of who I have become; it always will be. If you aren’t willing to do that I will ask you to choose to give up any proximity to me. I am BLACK EXCELLENCE, and I want to be seen for it. Fully seen. Fully known. Fully loved.