Ashamed & In TWO Bras…

Tags

body shaming, grace, modest dress, modesty, self respect, shaming

This is not easy for me to write. As I write, it takes me back to a time that sort of acts like a mirror. I hold it up in gratitude for how far I’ve come, but I also look on it with such desperate sadness for any girl who feels what I felt. I’m going to share some things here that are more personal than I am usually comfortable sharing, but if I’m going to be honest in this, I have to. 

I was very new in my faith when I went to college. I chose the college that I did because I wanted to travel with a ministry team. I worked in the preschool at a church. I was surrounded by believers who loved me, but I was very new to “Christian culture.” One feeling I quickly became familiar with was being ashamed. 

I was 95 pounds, tanned from a season of track and field, toned from hours of running and weightlifting, and had a large bustline. Being in Christian culture for the first time the message I received most was I needed to be sure that I didn’t make my brother stumble. This was a correct encouragement (in some ways), but looking back on it, I can see where seeds of shame started to be planted. I also see where the way this was presented to me was well-intentioned but poorly handled. 

In my life I had worn crop tops and super short shorts, but those things were thrown out before the message of “cover up” was given to me. I knew really quickly after I accepted Christ as my Savior that wasn’t what I wanted to be noticed about me. I wanted to be noticed for who I was for the first time. It was the first time I had really begun to like who I was. I had this conviction that was easy to follow, but the expectations from people were the thing that didn’t feel right. 

When I got to college I started wearing two bras. One was for support and the sport’s bra on top was meant to flatten my chest as much as possible so that I was not “making” anyone look at me inappropriately. Yes. I thought if someone was noticing my body, it was my fault. It meant it had done something wrong. I know now that being dressed in a way that made me comfortable that showed respect for myself was all I needed to be worried about because if I was doing that, I was doing what was right. 

The truth was that even in jeans and a t-shirt years of being an athlete had given me a trim figure, and I knew my responsibility was to respect myself enough to not have everything hanging out as my own conviction. That’s not why I wore the two bras though. 

I wore the two bras because I was ashamed that I got attention. The message I received over and over was that it was wrong on my part in some way if anyone noticed anything about me that was attractive. It made me feel ashamed to look how I looked so I covered up as much as I could so no one would notice I was pretty or attractive. 

After I started dating my husband, I felt a little more comfortable in my skin. I guess I felt a little less conscious all the time because he took interest in me for who I was. 

That was undone some when we went to a seminar to do some premarital counseling. I had on a t-shirt that had a saying and a verse on it. One of the ladies there told me she liked it, and another said, “It’s still drawing attention ‘there.’ It looks a little tight too. Maybe you should buy larges so your shirt won’t be so tight ‘there.'” I won’t lie, that immediately hurt me. I felt like I couldn’t even get it right in a “Christian t-shirt.” I usually did buy sizes much larger than I needed that were uncomfortable because they were so loose. 

“Shame. Be ashamed. Don’t like your body. Cover it up. Hide. Don’t be beautiful. Don’t draw attention. Modest is hottest. Modest IS hottest. Modest IS HOTTEST. MODEST IS HOTTEST!” Was this really the message God wanted me to receive? If modesty was so right, why did it make me feel so bad about things I couldn’t control?

That day I learned something. I learned that no matter what I did, someone was going to have a problem with it. I also remembered this, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”  – Psalm 139:14-15

Verse fourteen has graced many coffee mugs and bumper stickers and is used often in women’s ministry, but do we really treat other women this way? Do we acknowledge that God built each of us, and just because someone is built in a way that gets attention, no matter what they are wearing, do we tell them they were also fearfully and wonderfully made or do we simply say “Cover up busty sisters?” God didn’t make a mistake when He made me, and He knew what I would mature into. This was the day I stopped wearing two bras. 

It may seem like a ridiculous example, but I remember around this time seeing Jessica Simpson in an interview where she said she really wanted to sing praise and worship music, but she was told (in regular blue jeans and a turtle neck sweater) that she was basically “too sexy” to sing in that genre. I connected with this in the saddest way. Why? I connected with it because that message wasn’t just sent to her. It was sent to a lot of girls I knew. It was sent to me. 

Here’s the real problem with this mentality: it has nothing to do with grace and very little to do with what modesty actually means.

I was already convicted about not wanting to wear stuff that I felt was inappropriate. I didn’t need others to pile their opinions about what that meant on top of the legitimate convictions I had. I didn’t wear anything that was inappropriate, but honestly, there’s nothing I could have worn that could have covered up the fact that I had curves besides a garbage bag. 

Modesty is more about what’s internal than what you put on. Modesty has more to do with how you present who you are than what you are wearing. You don’t have to be wearing an XL t-shirt, cardigan, scarf, and loose fitting jeans to be modest. Modesty reflects the beauty in a person’s heart. 

There was very little to no grace given to anyone I knew with this struggle. The message was clear. “Wear your clothes this way or you are helping the enemy make your brother stumble!” That’s simply not the truth. I was not dressed like a stripper. I could not control how large my bustline was, and if my brother stumbled when I had done what I needed to in order to be respectful of myself and everyone around me, that said something about his walk and not about mine. See, in my constant pursuit of Christ, my eyes were fixed on the right standard- Jesus. I needed to pursue what He had for me, not what people expected of me. 

I have a beautiful five year old, and we talk about this already. We talk about the fact that how beautiful her heart is matters more than the beauty of her face because that beauty is not fleeting. Make no mistake, I tell her she’s beautiful all the time because she is. I never want her to be ashamed of her beauty. I just never want her to think that’s the most important thing about her. People tell her she’s pretty all the time, but I always also tell he she’s smart and funny and kind and a wonderful helper and a great friend and many more things. I want her to be modest where it counts! 

That isn’t to say that we don’t talk about respecting her body by dressing appropriately. At five, I already have to scour clothing sections for shorts that aren’t so short they are underwear and bathing suits that aren’t string bikinis. She understands more and more why we buy the clothes we do, and I hope that instills in her respect for herself.

I really hope that women can stop being where the buck stops here. The more I consider this, the more I see the weight of responsibility not just in how I raise my daughter, but also in how I raise my sons. I hope they get a real picture of modesty in a way that matters. I hope they do not stumble and fall into looking at women as objects of pleasure. I hope they know that what a women looks like isn’t the part of her that they will partner with in a marriage or  raising a family. Her heart is what will raise any children they may be blessed to have. I hope they own their responsibility for how they walk before the Lord, and I sure hope they never blame any stumbling on the clothing choice another person makes. 

Unconditional Love IS NOT Unconditional License

Tags

idol worship, idols, sin, surrender, unconditional love

I have been and will always be praying for several specific people. Sometimes God puts a burden on your heart for someone and you can’t shake it – even when it hurts. 

My heart hurts as I see people I love and pray for walk further and further from the Lord and towards their own kingdoms. That’s what I see in it. They are building their own kingdoms because they know better than God as they establish their own thrones as their own God. I began to see this pulling away from God’s authority but still wanting His blessings this way the last week in prayer, and the implications behind it are heartbreaking. 

1. When you walk in what you know God does not have for you or says no to, you are telling Him that  you value that thing more than Him. He is not your highest treasure if you pursue what He despises. He is not your greatest treasure if you just want His stuff and not Him. 

2. Where you don’t honor God for who He says He is, you open yourself up to deception. If we push back against Him and say no to His way and yes to ours, it becomes easier and easier to be led astray. As holding onto what we want to do or believe for our own sake of comfort in having our way becomes priority, we can only let go of what He says because the two realities can not exist. We can’t have our way not aimed at making much of Him and make much of Him. We can’t be the god of our own hearts and have room for Him. 

3. As you build a life on the shaky foundation of your own wisdom and will and establish your allegiance to your idols, you woship them. You can become your own god in the way you live; your own golden calf. That idol can be your job, your romantic relationship, sex, attention, status, money, gratification, or so many other things. Just because you honor that thing as God doesn’t mean that it will fill you like He will. The terrible thing is that when someone who knows better does this, the idol falls, and instead of seeing their choices as being the reason for the fall, they blame the God they forsook to have that thing in the first place. 

4. This kind of living is so unsteady because the idol will fall. Ever know someone who lives in “seasons” of wanting to know and honor God? It’s because they have never fully surrendered if not having what they want from God sends them running. That either pushes people toward blaming God or into Him.

5. When God gets all the blame for people pursuing their own plans that didn’t work out it makes God the wish granter. They did things their way and forsook His but still expected Him to bless their sin. That does not happen. That will not happen. The holiness of God is so opposed to sin that you can’t just do what you want, expect Him to bless it, and then become bitter towards Him when He doesn’t. He never promised you He would. He promised you that He would always be better than the idols of our hearts. He’s proven it over and over, but people who are unwilling to surrender fully can’t know the joy of that. They want to have just enough God in their lives to get them where they want to go, but don’t want Him to impose on that plan. As long as He lets them have their way, God can hang around, but when that becomes disturbed by what He requires of His followers, following the enemy to our own thrown seems better. The problem is that the enemy and the sin in your heart will build up your treasure and kingdom in hell where you will no longer have the option of surrender to God after you exhale your final breath.

6. We don’t like to think of disobedience this way. We want to make it lighter and say, “God’s love is unconditional,” instead of saying that as you pursue the Lord and love Him more, His way will become your way. The things of the world will pale in comparison. All things that were good will taste like ash compared to wanting to know Him more and more. The more you love Him the more obedience feels like ease and not work because you will count it joy to love Him and everything else will feel like the best loss to not hold onto in higher reverence than Him. It’s like the parent who knows their child is sinning but says, “I’m just going to trust God to take care of them because if I say anything, they are just going to run away.” No. No. NO. NO! You have been given a responsibility to shepard and correct your children and to train them up in the Lord. How did David respond when a bear came to devour the sheep He was given to care for? He killed it with his hands! You have been given that responsibility as a parent. If you see sin devouring your child, you fight for them. You don’t just hope it works out. You help them kill it. Would you let an actual bear devour your child? No! That sin you see that you don’t call out in love and point them back to truth is mauling and destroying their soul. “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” John Owen said this and it is so true. 

I will close by saying this: stop being surprised by willfully choosing to not walk in the way or truths of God and things going badly. Stop being your own god and being surprised when you can’t make your world spin. Stop half-hearted surrender to a God who paid it all for you. He doesn’t want your falsely raised hands or only Sunday mornings. 

He does love you unconditionally, but that does not give you license to do what you want with the expectation that a God who really loved you will make all that just work out your way. He loves you too much to abandon you in your sin and in the ways of our depraved hearts. He loves you too much to abandon you. 

God Is Not A Nerd…

Tags

biblical truth, character of God, sound teaching

Today my Facebook newsfeed has been filled with comments and posts about a Christian blogger who recently gave an interview, and after reading that interview and the comments made in defense of her, I have this to say:

GOD IS NOT SOME OUT OF TOUCH NERD WHO NEEDS US TO REWRITE SCRIPTURE FOR HIM!

God is not sitting in heaven right now wearing a pocket protector and listening to cassette tapes on a Walkman unaware of what is going on today. He doesn’t need “modern Christians” to rewrite His words because He’s no longer culturally relevant. He doesn’t need us to attempt to erase hell or parse scripture to make it say what our feelings do. God does not need us to make Him relevant or cool. God does not need a man bun, a bike with a basket, a strategically placed beanie, or a coffee addiction and Starbucks card. 

He wrote the Bible through men, and there’s nothing throughout time that it does not bear its weight on. As a Christian, I believe this. As a Christian I also don’t expect that others who do not love and trust God will believe or live what I do, and in that, I see the need for the full truth of the gospel and the Great Commission. 

What’s surprising is how many people are dying on the altar of “Jesus said to love everyone” in arguing for this writer. It’s the bending of the definition of what it means to “love” by “modern, progressive Christians” that makes this whole argument appalling. I don’t think you can love God until you see your need for Him. He gives us a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19). To do that we become aware of our sin by Him opening our eyes to what His holiness will not tolerate. In light of His holiness we see ourselves for what we are and see why we need His redemption through the Cross. Anyone who ever saw God in scripture was filled with a reverence and fear because the nature and holiness of God are not light things. It’s like saying, “God is holy!” Do we consider what that actually means? Can we begin to fathom the depth and breadth and scale of the holiness of God? 

“In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said: ‘Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!’ And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: ‘Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!’ Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: ‘Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.'” – Isaiah 6:1-7

People didn’t see God and think, “You’re awesome, and I’m awesome. We should totes hang!” We want to make Him something that does not require us to respond in healthy respect and in that people feel free to bend what He commands to fit their agenda or feelings.

Validation and love are not synonymous. Love isn’t telling people what they want to hear or accepting a gospel contrary to the one written in scripture. The Bible warns of this time also: 

“For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.” – 2 Timothy 4:3-5

It is time to press into who God is and what He says as to not lose our footing while we stand on His word. We can’t stand on the words of men or women who claim to love and know Him or that they are speaking His truth as they elevate themselves into a position of honoring their thoughts and emotions or wants for the world above what God called us to. Genesis 3. It really won’t work out. It’s the same sin as the original, but this time it has a pretty blog format and catchy cute words and phrases that make us laugh until we stand back and examine what we are taking in. 

Guard your hearts and minds as this brand of teaching grows in popularity but not in Biblical understanding or truth. Press into the truth of God, and do not exchange it for a lie (Romans 1). 

Racism: Yes, It Still Exists…

Tags

race relations, racism

I feel incredibly sad right now. I also feel incredibly angry. I’ve been praying for months about the race issue in our country, and the last two days have torn my heart back open again. 

One of the things I’ve been praying about most is how I’ve heard it discussed. Here’s what people have said:

• “Well, if THEY just wouldn’t resist and would respect the police THEY wouldn’t have anything to worry about.”
• “Just because some cops are probably racist doesn’t mean all are. THEY should just respect them more every time THEY get pulled over.” 
• “Racism isn’t an issue in our country anymore. If people would stop talking about it, no one would be upset, and things like this wouldn’t happen.”

First, the conversation always divides into US and THEM. That’s the part that really wounds me. Emancipation, the death of Jim Crow, and many events throughout time in the last centuries were efforts made to end the division. To be bluntly honest, the divide that slavery caused when Africans came into this country as property to be beaten, used, and cared for like or less than animals will have implications that ripple across time. It did make white Americans the “US” that owned and controlled “THEM.” The sad thing in this is that some people don’t see the privilege divide that was created there exists and shows itself in the situations we continue to see. I will state this clearly now as to be clear here for all the points I will make: THIS DOES NOT MEAN ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE RACIST. This does mean that we exist in a system now that has been influenced by racism that has been distributed down generations. 

Has not resisting arrest been a proven method to avoid being shot in every situation? No. If we can all be honest about that, then there can be real change made. The problem is that there is immediate bias when people see black men. Words like “scary” or “intimidating” are often used. You don’t think they notice. Every black man I know or am related to notices this. They notice when you clutch your purse a little tighter next to them. They notice the difference in what it takes to be recognized in a conversation as an intelligent professional. They notice when they are being followed through a store. They notice. It is not lost on people who are raised to know what to expect – that they are going to have to navigate the world differently than people who don’t look like them. 

I remember my parents talking to us about being respectful to cops. They had dedicated conversations with my brothers that extended beyond “be polite” because there was more they needed to know. Keep your hands on the steering wheel if you get pulled over. Don’t reach for anything. If they ask you for your information, ask permission before you try to get it. Don’t make eye contact unless you’re asked to. Don’t ever get out of the car unless you’re asked to. They explained the danger in appearing intimidating or threatening. Sure parents have to talk about driving safety with their kids, but how many have to be so specific because history taught them that one perceived wrong thing could cause them serious consequences?

Again, I will say we were taught to respect police and all those in service. We were raised in a small town where the cops knew who your parents were. They came to school from the time we were young and talked about being there to protect and serve. There are several cops I know and love and call friends today that I pray for because they put their lives on the line for the sake of others. I do not doubt that these men are anything short of honorable with real desire and passion to protect and serve. I can acknowledge that, but those who say, “Sure some are racist, but just be respectful and you should be fine,” aren’t considering that you’re asking people who might be seen as “scary” or “intimidating” to hope if they get stopped for a random search or pulled over, they get the “luck of the draw” of a cop that is not going to be immediately on the defensive just because of how they look. It’s almost like saying, “Sure there are probably a few bad ones out there, but most of them are good so just take in the whole without question.” This is a Skittles analogy turned on its head that doesn’t work for me any more than the first I heard. This speaks to a need for reform. This speaks to a need for change. 

 That was our generation’s lesson (trust the police, but be careful how you interact), but generations before us couldn’t trust them. Generations before us and in different geographic areas grew up being told that you couldn’t trust the police because they actually couldn’t. They experienced brutality and witnessed murders done by the hands of racist cops before a time when it wasn’t illegal for black people to be shot or hung or set on fire while still breathing as a mob or those dressed in their bed sheets deemed it appropriate punishment. The generations that witnessed these atrocities and crimes taught their kids a different story because their experience was a completely different narrative. How many of us will take time to consider that narrative when thinking about why not everyone hears the same story we do? Those stories are part of a real history that taught whole generations they couldn’t trust the police and recent events are reteaching those lessons. 

Bill O’Reilly isn’t correct. Racism does exist today. It is no longer supposed to be reality, but it is. Just because it is not a part of your reality doesn’t mean that others don’t know its glaring hatred and haven’t been or don’t continue to be wounded by its implications. 

Legally it’s not supposed to exist. Legally this battle is supposed to be over. Since that is plainly not true, we can’t expect it to ever end unless we acknowledge it and seek to do our parts. It starts at home. The heritage of racism or biases can begin to be put to death in how we raise our children. It’s not just about what you say. It’s about how they see you interact and what you do. The world will teach them lessons and biases you don’t want them to have if you don’t have the courage of conviction to talk about it. 

Next, be an appropriately active voice. Think about who you’re voting for. Think about what they believe. Write letters to your representatives. Don’t just get on Facebook and make or share a status update. Do something valuable with your voice. 

I think about how I’ve seen people using their voices since these unarmed shootings started. Don’t be a voice that shares posts that try to make things like the Confederate flag cute. I will say here what I know will offend, but if a group of Muslims decided to establish their own country inside the borders of America, started a war where they killed Americans, lost that war, but wanted to fly the flag that represented their army, most of you posting these things would lose your minds. What is the difference beyond Muslims hypothetically doing this and white Americans who actually did it besides skin color and religion? Why is this a part of history that is still honored in some ways? Why are they not called terrorist who splintered off and created a nation, and then started a war so they could maintain the right to keep rights out of the hands of those they felt entitled and privileged to own?

Don’t use your voice this way or post things that outright call black people criminals or whiners and not expect people to think things about you that rub up against your own self image and make you uncomfortable and defensive. If you are posting things where the goal isn’t clearly aimed at sowing peace and eliminating divide, you are part of the problem. 

Love. Give love away. Love others. You don’t have to think like someone or agree with them on every issue to love them. Loving people in how you engage them and serve them is another opportunity for us to come together and be catalysts for good. 

I wrote this today because I am genuinely heart-broken and worried. I, now more than ever, have to be worried about my brothers and uncles and cousins and nephews and my friends. They could do all the things those carefully repeated conversations told them do and still end up dead on a highway. That is a haunting realization. To think those you love aren’t safe because of genetics being a point of perception more valuable than character is something that will keep me praying in the days ahead. 

I want to close by sharing something that was done at the Village Church that inspires hope in my heart. They did an incredibly difficult thing by confronting the culture that supports or allows what’s happening today by having the conversation that most won’t. They did a whole series on Racial Reconciliation that I would highly recommend. 

http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons/detail/justice-and-racial-reconciliation/

I hope we can reach for love and abandon hate. I hope that will be our generation’s legacy. 

Readying the Clay

Tags

discipline, Parenting

It has been a while since I’ve had the chance to write, but there’s also an idea that’s been percolating in my mind that is finally ready to share. 

I have been praying during this season of a rough pregnancy, chasing two toddlers, and anticipating having three babies for wisdom. Wisdom in the day to day, but wisdom beyond that too. God has not just called me to correct behaviors and teach good habits, but instead, I’ve been given the honor of helping shepard and tend to hearts. Those are very different things. The latter is the place that ripples out into eternity.

In praying for grace to do this to the praise of His glorious grace, I began to see the picture of the Potter and the clay. I remembered singing an old hymn about this growing up. I also thought about the times I heard teachings about this idea, and I found this verse while reading: 

“But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.”  – Isaiah 64:8

I wasn’t sure exactly what I needed to see in this until a few days later. Surely God created the clay (each of us). I saw that clearly right away. Surely He is the one who makes us into beautiful things as we surrender to Him. In that, as a parent, something new became clear. 

The idea that God made my children, but then gave them to me to teach and raise, was giving me the task of readying the clay.

A potter can’t work with clay that is not ready to be used. It won’t go well if the clay has just been created and sat out without being worked on. I took some art classes in college and saw people work hard to get their clay ready after it was made. As they created their bowls, vases, and such, they knew how important it was to prepare it to be shaped and ready for the fire of the kiln. 

I have seen the results of unprepared “clay” in so many situations. I have seen children who were never loved or disciplined in love be molded and shaped by people besides their parents who loved them. It was almost like they had been waiting for it their whole lives. They loved to be loved. They loved to be invested in – not made into a project, but to be genuinely cared for. 

God made my children, and gave them to me to help make them ready to know Him and His love, His voice, His heart. It is evident to me in that preparation, there will be times that are hard, but oh I see the joy in having children raised up ready to be shaped and used by the Potter to become beautiful vessels. 

It is work to get clay ready to use, and that means pressing it and digging in sometimes. One thing I’ve also seen over and over is parents who also are afraid to press into this with their children.

I’ve seen kids become young adults and grown ups who have no concept of consequence or responsibility because their parents tried to make life so easy for them. Clay has to go into the kiln and endure the fire for the potter to be finished making it into something. I wonder if we consider that God being the potter means that we will have to watch our kids go through some pain to be used sometimes. I wonder how many people never are fully able to be prepared to be used because everyone wanted to protect them from the hard stuff of life, the consequences of their own actions, or the discipline given out through love that they really needed.

Readying the clay is not the same as trying to make everything okay by being unwilling to get our hands dirty or by trying to be the clay for our children and keeping God from actually getting to them to use them. We can’t do this and expect the Potter to ever be able to make something beautiful out of them. 

I think this is why so many flee from the good discipline of the Lord. We love feeling good about ourselves but rarely welcome anyone pointing us to more when we aren’t walking as we should. God is so good that He won’t abandon us in our sin, and sometimes we have to hurt to see what we are actually doing and that what He has for us is better. The hurt isn’t Him punishing or wanting to make us bleed, but I think the hurt is in things we were never meant to hold onto being wrenched away from us so we can see Him.

How many parents have seen their children’s willful disobedience to God, but still tried to make everything okay for them through justifications or excuses? I have definitely learned that people who live this way and want to blame God and everyone else for the outcome don’t need your help making excuses – they are good at that all on their own. Don’t get in the way of what God is trying to burn away in sin in them because you want to protect them. Don’t hold on so tightly that you become a stumbling block for them to ever lift up their eyes and see what God has for them. 

“In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.” – Hebrews 12:4-8

Anyone who loves their children knows that discipline is necessary. That can be a tender word of caution, a gentle reminder, and sometimes discipline is more because it’s meant to point your child to something better. Every time God has disciplined me its to point me to what He has for me when I chased what I had for me. 

We all want to be children of the King and called that, but how many of us welcome His discipline? How many of us say, “Yes Lord, no matter the pain or the cost, your ways are better than mine, I trust in you, and whatever the kiln looks like, I want your way for me above mine!”

I want to raise those kind of people. I want to unleash world changers on the globe who are more concerned with following the Lord than the cost or their desires. Oh that God would give me grace to prepare that kind of clay! 

As we tend to our children’s hearts, I hope we would be mindful that we are helping them see their place in eternity and God and His love above all things. I pray that we would not grow weary or try to make our clay ready to look like what we think it should or that we would try to keep our kids from any hurt to the point that we abandon them in their willful sin. 

God is good. He is the Potter, and in His hands I know my children can be trusted and made into what He will call them to, and in that I know His love for me is more than I deserve. 

Driving Out Darkness

Tags

raising children, violence

My husband and I led and taught a Bible study for almost three years. I now affectionately call that group of college students my Bible Study Babies. In the wake on such hatred and violence one of my babies, Aisha, posted about being afraid to bring children into the world. I wanted to share what I wrote to her here. 

To the point about raising kids:

Jesus didn’t say we may have trials, He said we would have trials. In those trials, personal or global, we as believers have to press into the hope that we have in Him. Hope wins today because it won on the cross. That doesn’t mean that this stuff won’t happen or be hard, but it does mean that in the storm, we know where to look. God didn’t promise us an easy life with nice stuff. He gave us Jesus, and in that promise we know He is sufficient for all our needs. That also reminds us of the importance of raising up a generation that will change the world. Everyday we are making the world what it is through action or complacency. The Bible also calls children arrows in a quiver (what arrows are carried in). What are arrows used for? Battle. You raise them up to engage and be ready to use in battle. Every time I see Lauren, I already see a world changer. When she puts her backpack up at school, she goes and stands by the door and hugs every kid on their way in and tells them she’s happy to see them. She’s four and the kindness in her changes the world of each one of those kids. Don’t be afraid of the darkness, and don’t be afraid to raise up more light to drown it out. I love you so much!
The one last thing I’ll say is that we always need to remember that this world isn’t our home, but while we’re here, it’s up to us to make it better. We have to do better. We have to remember that apathy at violence carried out against anyone is how a holocaust happens. We can’t be more concerned with labeling and dividing as we are about our fellow man. 

After I wrote that comment, the next song that came up on my playlist was Never Once by Matt Redman. I think it was the perfect reminder for days like today. 

Elevation…

Tags

scripture, truth

I think a lot about things. I think a lot about a lot of different kinds of things which in turn leads me to praying often about all sorts of stuff. I pray and I read my Bible. One quote that has always stuck with me is from a pastor named Dr. Voddie Baucham in which he says, “‘The Lord told me’ is no substitute for, ‘The Bible says.'” I think this is important no matter the issue, and I think it should also extend to, “‘I feel like’ or ‘I think’ are no substitute for the Bible says.”

One of the joys in not elevating ourselves above who God is or what He says is that we get to know what He actually has for us and in that we are free to experience that through seeking His truth, not ours. This is challenging, and it can be uncomfortable because it propels is past ourselves and into areas that expose what in us is not looking to God or is looking to ourselves or the world. 

That bubble is hard to break out of because it is more comfortable than truth. It is more comfortable than a challenge, but IT IS ALSO A TRAP. 

It’s a trap that moves people to being okay with posting hateful things in the wake of tragedy. It’s a trap that leads people to not praying for leaders in the world because they don’t like them or their political stances. It’s a trap that entangles and ensnares people in such a way that they look for others to pull down with them because if they rally enough people around them, they aren’t shouting alone in how wrong they are. Being collectively louder is not the same as being collectively correct. 

As believers, it always has to come back to scripture. That is what matters. What I think doesn’t matter. What the world thinks doesn’t matter. What God thinks has to be infinitely more important than elevating ourselves into taking what we are comfortable believing and honoring it as if it were God breathed. 

All of this to say that I do believe that God still moves the hearts of man and speaks to us, BUT what is spoken should always align with scripture. If it does not, it is not God. Don’t do things in His name or speak things as truth that do not come from or actually contradict His word. 

It’s like forgiveness. It’s hard to forgive people sometimes. There are people that are hard to love. We all know these people. They are selfish or controlling or always the victim. Everything wrong in their lives is someone else’s fault, never their’s. They find a way to insert their misery into every situation – no matter how much joy should be there. If it’s not all about them or the way they think it should be, they grip tighter for the control they want to have or reach for manipulation to bend everyone’s will to theirs. 

The world only sees this and you see the hurt they have put you through. The world doesn’t consider forgiveness to be strength, and the wounds of our heart want to scream and yell and push that person away. That is what our thinking gives us. Throughout scripture God teaches us that He loved and forgave us when we were the worst kind of people. One example of this in scripture is this, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person-though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8

Even “that person” is included in this, and seeing them through the lens of scripture and through truth will be what allows you to forgive. That’s different than what you feel, and it may not change them. It’s also not just about them. 

Sometimes forgiveness has to come from just being obedient first, but when you continue to seek God’s truth and not yours, you see things and people the way He sees them. Anytime this has happened for me, I’m mostly moved to compassion for them. It’s not comfortable or easy to get there, but it’s not about living life based on what I think or feel. In that, I’ve been able to let go of so much hurt that could have drowned me in a sea of bitterness. 

It’s all about looking at it through the right lens and the right way for believers. Another point on this is that we can’t expect people to live this way apart from Christ. I’ve talked to people who condemn and argue with people who do not believe in Christ because they don’t live like they know God. THEY DO NOT KNOW HIM. Why would they? You can not love and honor God without Him first giving you a new heart, and we can’t yell or argue people into wanting that either. Would that have made you want to know anything about Jesus?

“Or do you presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” – Romans 2:4

Through this lens we again see that what we think someone ought to do can’t be shoved down their throats, and we are reminded that God never dealt with us this way. He loved us at our worst. It was kindness that led you to repentance. You may want that person to choose to honor and love God now, but you can’t scream or trick or guilt them into it. Even if that seems to work, it won’t be genuine. I also know this first hand. You can’t choose God for another person- not family, not those you minister to, not your children. 

I’ve been praying for years for different reasons for so many people. I can’t make them choose or change anything. I’m not the Holy Spirit. That’s not my job, but I can speak truth in love and pray and wait. 

I started this post with the intention of writing about the Potter and clay, but this poured out of me. It may be a word just for me, but I hope it’s a word for you or someone you love. I hope it reminds us all that it’s not about us or what we think or feel. I hope we all see the places where we’ve wrongly elevated anything or anyone or any idea above God, and then I hope we topple the pedestal we put it on. Even if what shatters in the fall is us in our own thinking, I hope we can move away from that elevated self and toward God. 



Jesus, Let’s Just Keep It Casual…

I could not sleep over this thought that came to mind the other night. I have so many people I know who say they want to follow Jesus, but…

The list of reasons not to is exhaustive. I thought about some of the reasons I heard and what they were really saying about how they actually feel. If these reasons were written to Jesus in a letter, this is how I picture it going:

Dear Jesus,

Listen, you’re great. It’s really not you…well, maybe it is. You kind of ask a lot of me. I remember when I heard about you and lifted my hands at youth group/summer camp/Sunday morning service to sing to you. That felt awesome for me. I felt like I really wanted to “get serious” about having a relationship with you. I mean, I cried with all my friends in our matching shirts so it must have been real right?

Well, life just makes that hard. I still want to party with my friends, have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend, I do not have time to read or pray, and following you is just too hard. I do not want to give up everything important to me, and to be honest, I do not think I should have to. 

I know the story about the cross and that it changes other people’s lives. Maybe it’s just easier for these “super Christians” to do what you ask. Maybe I am not made that way. I tried to do better and I could not do it so I think I should still get some credit. I mean I do not do everything I used to do. I think you should accept what I gave up for you already and give me some credit. 

So again, you are great and all, but why not keep things between us casual? Maybe I will end up following you someday. Maybe I can change my boyfriend/girlfriend once we get married and then we can maybe follow you together. I know they do not believe in you, but is that REALLY such a bad thing? Maybe, if we have kids, we will send them to camp and stuff. Those experiences were so fun. They did not really make me want to follow you more, but youth group at my church always took great trips so I do not want my kids to miss out. 

I mean it would be cool if you could help me get a great job so we can live in a nice house and so my kids can go to a great school. I really want to have those kind of nice things, but please do not ask me to go somewhere like Africa or India. I would hate to say no to you, but that’s not going to happen. 

Jesus, let’s just keep this casual. I’ll pray and stuff when I “really need to,” but I really do think I am not ready to get serious with you. Maybe someday because you are pretty cool, but just not yet. 

Thanks for understanding!

Do you hear even a little bit of yourself in there from your past or present? I know I do. I think if we are all honest, we would see that we have been casual in our pursuit of Christ at some point. 

Then there’s Jesus:

“Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away. Yet who of his generation protested? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was punished. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand. After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities. Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many,and made intercession for the transgressors.” Isaiah 53

“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ that is, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ And some of the bystanders, hearing it, said, ‘This man is calling Elijah.’ And one of them at once ran and took a sponge, filled it with sour wine, and put it on a reed and gave it to him to drink. But the others said, ‘Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to save him.’ And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit.” Matthew 27:46-50
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died-more than that, who was raised-who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:31-39

Nothing about the way God has ever loved us has been casual. The fierceness which Christ loved us with sent Him through a crucifixion, absolute separation from God, and a depth of pain we will never know because of the grace that abounds from the sacrifice God gave through the crushing of His beloved Son on our behalf. Intense right?

That is how deeply you are loved. What are you really giving up in comparison to the love you are being covered by? What are you losing besides a life that has the possibility of hope and joy yet unseen?

“Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.'” Matthew 16:24-25

May we always remember how fiercely and deeply God loves us and sacrificed His own Son as a ransom for us. I am so undeserving of anything but death, but I so causally pursue Christ in a “I will get you scheduled in soon” kind of way. May I be more mindful of my loss when I am not at His feet. When I am not being girded up for each day and wrapped up in the arms of my Savior I am saying better is everything and everyone else above you. I don’t want to be casual, but it’s not so that I cal feel good about that. I want to be all in because He alone is worthy. I do not want to be comfortable. Whatever the cost. It is so little compared to the price that ransomed me.

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-” Philippians 3:7-9

May I give Jesus my whole heart and may my pursuit cost me and spend me to the end of myself and anything that I put above my relationship with my Father. With every breath, with all I am everyday until He calls me home. 

At the Crux…

I will never forget sitting in Dallas TX at the Passion Conference (www.268generation.com for more info). There is so much I remember about those days, but there were two moments that were tremendously important for what they did to shape the rest of my life. 

Louie Giglio was talking about college students. That conference is a ministry geared toward college students in that specific window of time. He talked about this being the place where kids this age were making decisions that were going to set the trajectory for the rest of their lives. One of the biggest parts of that was going to be deciding who God was to them and how they were going to let that seap into their lives and hearts and shape their walk with Him. The importance in this window of time had never been made more clear to me. 

I had a strong faith support system when I came to college, but it eventually failed all but a select few involved in it. It was hard when that happened. It was hard to watch that happen for my sake and the sake of others. On the other side, I had already met and was being supported by the man I now call husband so I was not crushed by the weight of the collapse. I also was given a pastor with the heart of a true Shepard that loved His sheep. I was hurt and a little marred, but not crushed by the collapse. It was hard to get over, and I watched people involved begin to make decisions that set their trajectories. 

At the conference, he asked this question: how can we meet people in that window of time and encourage them to pursue Christ? Louie Giglio’s whole life is a reflection of what it means to do this. I was sitting in that very seat listening to him preach at that moment because his obience to that call. The revolution that he started that has changed the world was born out of his obeying this call when he did not even know what it was going to look like on the other side. The beautiful burden on his heart for this generation has really changed the world. 

In that moment I prayed that God would make it evident to me what specific ministries He was going to give me to impact the world for His name and renown. I promised Him I would be all in, whatever that looked like. Christ was all in for me on the Cross, and He is all in for me as He sits in heaven right now. I prayed for a chance to serve in this fight. 

In less than a month, my husband and I were asked to lead a college Bible study! God works fast sometimes! For almost two years we were blessed to pour into the lives of this group on Sunday nights. I can not tell you all that we came away with from this. It had its season, and when it ended we were definitely sure that it was done. The love that bloomed in my heart for those punk kids was important. It was important to learn to meet people where they are, to hold their hands, to always share the truth, to remind them of what Jesus has for them, and to learn the hard lesson that I can not want them to love Jesus enough to make them do it. I had some heartache at the end of it for a few, but that never replaced how much I love them. I still pray for them. I caught a glimpse of the fight Louie talked about and how important it is to get in that fight. 

I prayed that God would make whatever He had for me evident again. It took some time to see, but He was always working on it. In my job, I served a lot as a teacher, and I learned that I was really good at helping others understand things and gifted in the ability to make information relatable. I learned that I was a teacher at heart with a burden on my heart for this generation. I learned a lot about myself in that job. I also realized that I could get back in the ring in a way I had never considered. 

I always loved academics. School was always a safe place for me. I loved the academic community at the university level. I realized that there was no better way to meet this generation where the are than to be on a campus, in a classroom where I can use my gifts and talents and shine the light of Christ in the crux of their decision point. 

I started my application for Grad school this week, and I am telling God I am all in again. I do not think I will jump into being in a regular classroom until my babies are in school, but that gives me some time to work on my degree as well as teaching online only so that I will have some tools when the day comes that I am in a traditional lecture setting. I am looking forwad to working hard on this goal that will put me in a position to do what I love doing for the glory and renown of  God who I love most. 

Even if it takes some time to figure out, God has something for you if you are willing to surrender to Him and say, “Send me!” I pray sincerely that God would bless this season and my ability to balance my life with being a student, and I ask you to join me in that prayer.

Here’s to taking a big leap…