Do We Remember?

Tags

American rights, peaceful protest, unity

There’s more disunity in our nation today than I can remember in a very long time. Coming on the heels of 9/11, I couldn’t help but ask myself one question: “Do we really remember?”

Do we remember the piercing blow we all felt as the Twin Towers crumbled and burned as we watched other Americans scramble to save those who were in harms way? Do we really remember the devastation that swept our land as we learned about a plane headed for the pentagon? Do we remember the skies filled with smoke? Do we remember that the names etched into monuments at Ground Zero represent real people? Do we really remember that day?

I think if we really remembered how wounded our nation was, we would have to remember how the chant that rose from there was one of being “United!” It was beautiful to see aid sent, people come together in prayer, every difference matter less, and everyone’s pain matter as we wrapped arms around each other. 

Today, every place you look is flooded with disunity. I want to say something I know will be unpopular, but it’s just truth:

It is your right to disagree with the reasons why someone protests anything, but it is also their right under the Constitution and Bill of Rights to do that. I would rather see someone exercise their right peacefully, whether or not I agree with them, instead of burning down neighborhoods, hurting others, or making everyone remember their reckless actions more than their cause. 

Here’s what I wonder. Are we willing to listen to the reason anyone chooses to protest or are we willing to listen to the reasons given by others? Would you be willing to sit down with someone doing something you don’t agree with to find out why, from them? Not from media outlets. Not from those who are also opposed. Would you be willing to sit down with them, listen to them, and still care about loving them and extending grace to them more than pounding your drum so loud you can’t hear them? 

Does that mean you have to change your mind about why you disagree? No. Does that mean they have to stop the protest? No. Does that mean that we care more about each other than who is “right?” Yes. 

That’s the place to start. Concern for our fellow men. Concern for a narrative that may not be true for our lives, but is true for theirs. 

Does name-calling help? No. Does being hateful and unwilling to listen unite us? No. 

If you were to sit down with someone protesting something in our country and they said it had nothing to do with their love and respect for service members, first responders, veterans, and those who died for our country while protecting every right they are exercising, could you hear that? Could you set aside your own preconceived notions to hear this when others have said this is what they are trying to do? 

I am the proud sister of two Veterans, proud niece of Veteran uncles, and I love my country. I am an American, but I have to remember that those that think differently from me are too.

More than that, the founding fathers of our nation started this great experiment of a country because they were unheard. Our roots are in our rights to stand up. That’s why they were pinned so passionately in our laws. Our right to say no to the status quo are fundamentally American. 

Maybe if we review the words in our anthem or founding documents we could also hear those protesting say that they don’t feel like they are free to the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. Maybe we could just hear that, and whether or not we think they are right, we could do them the basic act of decency of saying that though I agree or disagree I want to understand where you are in this because all American deserve a voice and to be seen and heard. 

Instead of digging heels in on either side, we have to be willing to listen. We have to care about Americans when their experiences are different from ours, and we have to care about preserving the experiment of democracy that’s continuing in our country. There was no roadmap to perfect democracy when our nation started, but what we have here is worth preserving, united as a nation birthed from tyranny, created by immigrants, and whose mark is pressing toward inalienable rights being both protected and exercised. 

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Drop Your Net

Tags

faith, Jesus calling, letting go, open hand, trusting God

I was driving and praying about a lot of things this week. My babies going back to school has given me lots of time for this. One thing I’ve prayed for is strength to be obedient and disciplined in following God’s calling. As I was driving and praying about this, I thought about this:

“While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And he said to them, ‘Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.’ Immediately they left their nets and followed him.” – Matthew 4:18-20

These men had been trained for years to do this one thing their whole lives. They woke up every day to fish, and knew that’s what they would do until the day they died. This is what they knew. This is what they were comfortable in. In a split second Jesus called and they left all they had ever known to follow Him. They didn’t question. They didn’t hesitate. They just dropped their nets. 

That’s the part that really got me. The nets. Nets serve one purpose- to capture, to snare, to trap. Christ gives us all callings, but how many of us drop our nets and go instead of holding onto what we know? When we hear His voice, do we make excuses to stay where we are instead of dropping it and going? 

Stepping into the calling of pursuing Graduate school after moving across the country again while raising three kids does not seem like the best timing decision. I was actually on the phone with my cousin this week and made that joke. Then I realized that was an excuse to hold  my net that would have trapped me into ignoring God’s call. That made me so thankful for the confidence God gave me when I began thinking about what He had for me in light of my gifts and where He would call me to serve. 

How often do we do this? How often to we hold on to what we know or what we like or what we love or what is familiar and ignore God’s call? This doesn’t even have to be with things that we know aren’t good. This can be with things that are great. We can hold so tightly to our net that we are so comfortable with that when God challenges us to let go and follow Him, we can’t and won’t. 

This can even be with behavior. You can be a worrisome person. You look for things to worry about or immediately think of the worst possible outcome in any situation. That’s a place where it’s easy to see a  tendency to become snared. There are others places that it’s so much harder to see. How we follow the Lord. Why we love Him. Do we follow Him because we love Him or do we ignore in the places that don’t give us what we want or justify what pleases us right now? Do we really love God or His “stuff?”

There are so many nets out there to be trapped in that when God teaches us His truth through His word or through someone who shares His truth with us, we have to be willing to let those things go to follow Him. If you love Him you will follow Him. If you aren’t willing to let go of that thing, He is not your greatest treasure and you don’t really love Him. 

If God calls you out of something, He is calling you to something higher. Marriage is a great example of this. If you have married someone, God is calling you into the role of husband or wife. Your willingness or unwillingness to step into that says so much about how you love the Lord. If Jesus says, “Follow me,” He knows where He’s taking you. You can trust that more than what you’re holding. 

You can trust Him more than the anger or frustration you feel. You can trust Him more than the greatest joy you’ve ever known. Your feelings are not a place to trust or act from. They are constantly changing, but God is constantly unchanging and we can lean and depend on His steadfastness. You can trust His heart for you. 

I hope to remember this in the days ahead. I hope to never hold onto a thing I know isn’t good or to hold onto something that is a blessing so hard that when Jesus calls, I ignore Him to have what I want. I hope to always want Him most. 

Chaos

Tags

abiding, being busy, identity, identity in Christ, resting, to do list

I can’t believe I’m alone in this so I have to write about it. I would be okay with being alone is this, but life has taught me that speaking out in your struggle gives others the freedom to be honest about theirs. We were liberated through the Cross to walk in freedom, and sometimes I’m really bad at it because I don’t look there in chaos. 

When things get too busy. When life becomes overwhelming. When the list of extras is just as long as the every day have-tos, all I see is the chaos. That’s when it pummels me, and as of this morning, I know why. 

I fixed my eyes there. I get caught up in it and it topples over and I get pinned down. It’s all I can see. In the fight for peace to stand in and rest in and be still in, I struggle out from under the pile of “everything,” and that doesn’t bring my soul rest. If anything it makes me more worn than doing the lists would. Do you see it? 

I fix my eyes on the doing. This isn’t to say life isn’t full of stuff that needs to and has to be done, but that’s not where I need to look. 

If my eyes are ever-fixed on Jesus, I see He is my rest. I see He, through the in dwelling of His very spirit, has given me what I need to abide and rest in Him- no matter how chaotic life is. It doesn’t even have to be “bad stuff” for the chaos to become a distraction from this bigger truth. 

In all seasons, at all times I can step into this if I choose to not get so drawn into everything else and let those things become what my life is about. Seasons roll on and on, and there will always be somewhere to go, something to clean, laundry to wash, and on and on. The difference is knowing that those things being knocked out of the park or left unfinished for another day don’t define who I am. Who I am is not changed by the chaos. 

That’s the real sting in it. We see ourselves and measure our success in how much we do when who you are has been established and is unshakable in Christ. There will always be more, but find your room to rest in it. Find a space for your mind to ease. Find a place for your heart to mend if it needs to.  

No matter how chaotic it all may seem right now, the only real way through it is to lean into the One who calls you to rest and abide in Him. Cast the chaos aside and see the depth of love poured out for you. Dwell in it. Soak it in. Abide in it. 

It was costly and a blessing that was purchased through Christ accomplishing everything on the Cross that needed to be done so that you can have this available at every moment. Don’t be blinded by the ever evolving list like I am sometimes. I hope to walk in this truth that landed in my heart yesterday in a sustained way. It is surely a blessing to know it, and it will be an even bigger one to rest in. 

She’s So Real…

Tags

biblical truth, blogs, Christian blogs, Christian Women, guard your hearts, motherhood

We are flooded with content everywhere we look. Social media makes it so easy to gather up influences. With one click on a shared link, you “meet” the ideas of someone you could have never become acquainted with twenty years ago. That can be a great thing, but more often than not, this overload makes us forget something that is so critical:

 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

Other translations say guard your hearts. I think we forget this sometimes. I think that is a dangerous mistake.

One time this has been very real to me was when I read a blog post that several people I knew shared. This woman was supposed to be “so real” and really “get moms today” all while being “hilarious.” She was mean. In the midst of what she said about her kids, the undercurrent of her heart was not set in kindness or love. I thought she was really selfish. I talked to my husband after I read it because I usually don’t get so bothered, but this person’s reach of influence was very disconcerting to me. 

If this was what it meant to be “real,” and people felt like she was speaking things they wished they could say, then the heart reflected in it was being celebrated and owned; it shouldn’t have been. I don’t say this in judgement, but I say it to mean that if we read someone who says things that are out of line with scripture but are “more real” to us than how we should abide in actual truth, we need to consider what we are letting in. We need to consider what we’ve let get into our hearts. 

If that’s the person we praise and celebrate and encourage others to follow, we have a problem. The undercurrent matters. What is really under their statements that basically complained about everything in their life has to matter. 

Maybe this hit me the last few days because I was talking with a friend who is a new believer about being cautious about what she let influence her. I’m thankful for this reminder to always look at every part of what something says and to filter it through what matters- not what is a part of me that wants to not feel alone but instead needs to be put to death. 

That’s the danger. This kind of talk feeds the places in us that are not okay and says, “You’re not alone in feeling X, and because you’re not alone in it that makes it okay!” That sounds good, but is just plainly not true. If someone says something awful and negative and just ungodly about something like motherhood, that doesn’t make strength in numbers in feeling this way permissible. If anything it should hold up a mirror that says, “God that’s how I feel too, and I need you to help me not stay here!” It should not just confirm our deepest junk and make us feel okay about it. 

I think that’s the most troublesome part. It’s a trap. It’s real in that sense because it keeps you bogged down in negativity toward life and really important things; with this specific blogger, it was her children. Yes, having kids is stressful and SO MUCH work, but if at the end of the day your heart rests in mocking or being down on and not honoring that experience, it’s not okay whether or not you own it with 100,000 “likes.”

We learned this lesson the hard way. We were watching a pastor for years, and he’d say things that made us think, “Umm, not sure about that,” but we continued to listen. Since that day he has majorly renounced scripture and huge Biblical truths. It’s as if God, through the Holy Spirit, was sending up warning flares that we ignored because we liked “most” of what he said. This was a maturing moment that really highlighted the importance of guarding our hearts. 

In the end, we are going to stumble and get things wrong, but know that just because someone does something in the name of Jesus does not mean they do it in line with His truth.

Be careful out there friends. What you read and think become who you are and what you believe. There’s so much out there today to be influenced by. Be sure you look at the surface and undercurrent of what is being said so you don’t get pulled in and drink in beliefs that will keep you drowning. 

Lauren Prays

Tags

cancer, Developmental delay, expressive language delay, Language delay, prayer, praying with children

We just went on our whirlwind trip back to the place I call home this side of heaven: Texas. Texas is where I was born and raised, and it’s where a good bit of our family and friends are. I have been looking forward to scooting across Texas for months, and it really was a blessing to be there. One of my favorite moments of the whole trip was something I could have never have seen coming, but I will tuck it close to my heart forever. 

This year has been a year where I have come to hate cancer more than ever. I deeply hate it. Over the course of this year we have prayed for a baby girl named Hadlee who passed away, a little girl named Olivia who we found out passed right as we got settled in San Angelo, and for Ms. Carol, the sweet mom of a friend who has become a friend. All three have been battling cancer, and we have prayed for them each day. I try to be very intentional about praying with our kids and explaining to them why that’s important. 

This trip, Ms. Carol was in the hospital so we went up to visit because we wanted to let some cute babies put a smile on her face, we wanted her to know that she’s loved, and because we wanted to pray with her while we were there and could. 

We all laughed while visiting, and she learned way more about Moana than she probably ever intended to! It was such a sweet time to just get to be with her. When our visit was winding down, I asked if we could pray with her, and the second she said yes, Lauren stepped forward in complete boldness and said, “I’ll pray!”

Her prayer wasn’t long. Her prayer wasn’t searching for “the right words.” It was the most sincere prayer I have probably ever heard. It overwhelmed me to witness this. My five year old daughter stepped out in authority and confidence to intercede out behalf of someone. She immediately stepped up to serve and bless Carol by just talking to God in a way that reflected an ease in communicating her heart to Him. I will never stop being blown away by how beautiful that moment was. 

So often as grown ups, I think we forget prayer is just supposed to be that easy. It’s not about anything but that. I am thankful for that reminder. I am thankful for God growing and developing seeds in the lives of my children that are paving a path for how they will walk with Him all their days. I hope she always holds onto the beautiful ease of talking to God like her closest friend. 

After she prayed I said that no one could have said anything better than that, and that was the truth. Carol prayed over us, and we said our see you laters. I wanted to go in so this visit could be a blessing to Carol, but I was stunned by God’s grace to me in giving me a moment like this to hold onto. 

Two years ago Lauren wasn’t verbal enough to do this. I can’t tell you how many tears I have shed watching her struggle to express herself. I can’t tell you how heartbreaking that experience has been- with both my oldest babies. To see her just step out and clearly communicate her thoughts is something that God made possible through putting Lauren exactly where she needed to be, and by giving her people who could help her get to this place. I could never express my gratitude for the people who have helped her in this season that’s been so hard on my momma heart. 

Sometimes it feels like we are spinning our wheels. Sometimes it feels like some of the things we are teaching our kids aren’t getting through. Hold fast! Continue in the good work you are doing! When God raises them up in moments like this you will know why you were called to love and parent like God loves and parents you. 

I hope you all find encouragement here to stay in the good fight and to know that someday the harvest from your work will really begin to bloom! 

Marriage Is…

Tags

beautiful, blessing, freedom, hard seasons, marriage, unconditional love

Beautiful. I recently wrote a post about how marriage can be very hard. On the other side of hard, there is a beauty and joy that make the hard more than worth it.

There is joy in deciding to be fully known by someone. In being fully known, you are given this wonderful freedom. You are free to be vulnerable. You are free to need your husband or wife. You are free to be forgiven. You are free to be loved, whatever comes. 

This person has seen you at your worst and decided to love you anyway. There’s also a lot of responsibility in that. There’s responsibility to always be working to be better. To be more considerate. To pay attention to how they need to be affirmed. To pray for them. To work on your own heart and to own your walk with the Lord so you are continually being transformed into the likeness of Christ.

There’s a weight and an importance in seeing the heart of Christ as the goal for your life in knowing that pursuing Him is how you become like Him. I recently was talking with a friend and they said that trying to be like Jesus seemed like too high a goal to attain. I want to say this plainly: if you want your marriage to work and display Christ and His love for His bride, there’s no one else to try to be like. You don’t need to try to be like your parents (or not like them) or like a pastor you admire or like some famous blogger. If you want to make your marriage work, you have to ever-fix your eyes on Jesus as the goal of your life. That’s also bigger than marriage. If you want to be who He has called you to be, look to Him. 

There is joy in this work. The fruit that develops between a husband and wife who are constantly doing the hard yards of walking with Jesus while loving each other produces a depth of love and appreciation that is sustaining. It’s sustaining for when you do hurt each other’s feelings, because you will. It’s sustaining for when one of you messes up and pride keeps you from owning it. It’s sustaining to know that you will be forgiven when you seek it. It’s sustaining for a day that may come when you want out. 

Marriage has been filled with beautiful things I would have never known without my husband. I was twenty when we were married so we always say we grew up together as a joke, but when I look back on it, we did in a lot of ways. The truly funny thing is for a lot of my life I thought I would maybe never want to be married, and I knew without a doubt that I would never get married young. We all have ideas like this, but it’s always fantastic how what God has for us is always better. The minute that blue-eyed boy with the great hair and smile started teaching me guitar I was done for! 

We came into adulthood like people who don’t get married at the age we did, but we did it having nothing to hold onto but the covenant we made with God and each other. We knew we were young, but we also knew that any seconds we spent not being husband and wife would be wasted. We didn’t do that without caution or without knowing it would be hard. 

Even the hard stuff had joy in it. If we had gas in our cars, stuff for dinner, and more than $5 the day before one of us got paid, we always celebrated with a $0.99 movie rental at Hastings. I remember not having cable and reading and doing homework together. I remember the nights of dinner being whatever we had. That led to great discoveries like THE potatoes. I remember moving to our first “us” apartment, and being thrilled to have two bedrooms so all of Rob’s guitars had a place while knowing we were going to have to really stick to our budget if we were going to be able to pay $600 a month to live there (bills included).

I remember working and going to school and having days where we didn’t get to see each other a lot, but knowing that finishing school with excellence would make those days worth it. We cared about each other’s dreams. 

In those times where all we had was each other, we began to build appreciation for each other. Sometimes it was learned through messing that up and knowing really fast that’s not who we wanted to be for each other. Out of every misstep and mess up, we each learned something, but the bigger thing we learned was that we really were all in, no matter what. 

With my husband one of the most beautiful things is seeing who we’ve risen up to become. I know without a single doubt that God blesses me through Rob every day. There is this way that under his love I can feel strength and grace being drawn out of me. That is a blessing to me and our children. I am a better person all the time because of Rob. He prays for me. He prays over me. He holds me when I hurt. He laughs with me. He encourages and supports me. He is for me. It is a beautiful thing for me to know I am loved in this way. It instills a confidence in me to know that there’s always someone who will never stop loving me. I am free more and more all the time under his love. 

We’ve walked through so much together. College graduations, first “real” jobs, disappointments, moving apartments, traveling, late night concerts and road trips, Valentine’s Day and anniversary surprises, losing loved ones, finding out we were pregnant each time, buying homes, buying cars, going back to school, difficult pregnancies, babies who never slept, moving across the country, longing for a church home, date nights, new experiences, learning to parent, literally 10 million loads of laundry by now, and looking back I know my life could have been different if I would have stuck to my “plan.” I never would want it to be now. 

Rob, thank you for ten beautiful years. I know that because God was with us in all the good and all the mess, we didn’t just survive the last decade, but we thrived individually and in our marriage. I am thankful for everyday since the one that you pretended you wanted to teach me guitar! I will forever be thankful for being your girl. I will forever be thankful for the man you are. I am thrilled looking back at how far we’ve come, and I’m excited for whatever God has in front of us. Thank you for the beautiful life I have filled with love and fun and joy! I love you deeply. Always. No matter what. 

Ashamed & In TWO Bras…

Tags

body shaming, grace, modest dress, modesty, self respect, shaming

This is not easy for me to write. As I write, it takes me back to a time that sort of acts like a mirror. I hold it up in gratitude for how far I’ve come, but I also look on it with such desperate sadness for any girl who feels what I felt. I’m going to share some things here that are more personal than I am usually comfortable sharing, but if I’m going to be honest in this, I have to. 

I was very new in my faith when I went to college. I chose the college that I did because I wanted to travel with a ministry team. I worked in the preschool at a church. I was surrounded by believers who loved me, but I was very new to “Christian culture.” One feeling I quickly became familiar with was being ashamed. 

I was 95 pounds, tanned from a season of track and field, toned from hours of running and weightlifting, and had a large bustline. Being in Christian culture for the first time the message I received most was I needed to be sure that I didn’t make my brother stumble. This was a correct encouragement (in some ways), but looking back on it, I can see where seeds of shame started to be planted. I also see where the way this was presented to me was well-intentioned but poorly handled. 

In my life I had worn crop tops and super short shorts, but those things were thrown out before the message of “cover up” was given to me. I knew really quickly after I accepted Christ as my Savior that wasn’t what I wanted to be noticed about me. I wanted to be noticed for who I was for the first time. It was the first time I had really begun to like who I was. I had this conviction that was easy to follow, but the expectations from people were the thing that didn’t feel right. 

When I got to college I started wearing two bras. One was for support and the sport’s bra on top was meant to flatten my chest as much as possible so that I was not “making” anyone look at me inappropriately. Yes. I thought if someone was noticing my body, it was my fault. It meant it had done something wrong. I know now that being dressed in a way that made me comfortable that showed respect for myself was all I needed to be worried about because if I was doing that, I was doing what was right. 

The truth was that even in jeans and a t-shirt years of being an athlete had given me a trim figure, and I knew my responsibility was to respect myself enough to not have everything hanging out as my own conviction. That’s not why I wore the two bras though. 

I wore the two bras because I was ashamed that I got attention. The message I received over and over was that it was wrong on my part in some way if anyone noticed anything about me that was attractive. It made me feel ashamed to look how I looked so I covered up as much as I could so no one would notice I was pretty or attractive. 

After I started dating my husband, I felt a little more comfortable in my skin. I guess I felt a little less conscious all the time because he took interest in me for who I was. 

That was undone some when we went to a seminar to do some premarital counseling. I had on a t-shirt that had a saying and a verse on it. One of the ladies there told me she liked it, and another said, “It’s still drawing attention ‘there.’ It looks a little tight too. Maybe you should buy larges so your shirt won’t be so tight ‘there.'” I won’t lie, that immediately hurt me. I felt like I couldn’t even get it right in a “Christian t-shirt.” I usually did buy sizes much larger than I needed that were uncomfortable because they were so loose. 

“Shame. Be ashamed. Don’t like your body. Cover it up. Hide. Don’t be beautiful. Don’t draw attention. Modest is hottest. Modest IS hottest. Modest IS HOTTEST. MODEST IS HOTTEST!” Was this really the message God wanted me to receive? If modesty was so right, why did it make me feel so bad about things I couldn’t control?

That day I learned something. I learned that no matter what I did, someone was going to have a problem with it. I also remembered this, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”  – Psalm 139:14-15

Verse fourteen has graced many coffee mugs and bumper stickers and is used often in women’s ministry, but do we really treat other women this way? Do we acknowledge that God built each of us, and just because someone is built in a way that gets attention, no matter what they are wearing, do we tell them they were also fearfully and wonderfully made or do we simply say “Cover up busty sisters?” God didn’t make a mistake when He made me, and He knew what I would mature into. This was the day I stopped wearing two bras. 

It may seem like a ridiculous example, but I remember around this time seeing Jessica Simpson in an interview where she said she really wanted to sing praise and worship music, but she was told (in regular blue jeans and a turtle neck sweater) that she was basically “too sexy” to sing in that genre. I connected with this in the saddest way. Why? I connected with it because that message wasn’t just sent to her. It was sent to a lot of girls I knew. It was sent to me. 

Here’s the real problem with this mentality: it has nothing to do with grace and very little to do with what modesty actually means.

I was already convicted about not wanting to wear stuff that I felt was inappropriate. I didn’t need others to pile their opinions about what that meant on top of the legitimate convictions I had. I didn’t wear anything that was inappropriate, but honestly, there’s nothing I could have worn that could have covered up the fact that I had curves besides a garbage bag. 

Modesty is more about what’s internal than what you put on. Modesty has more to do with how you present who you are than what you are wearing. You don’t have to be wearing an XL t-shirt, cardigan, scarf, and loose fitting jeans to be modest. Modesty reflects the beauty in a person’s heart. 

There was very little to no grace given to anyone I knew with this struggle. The message was clear. “Wear your clothes this way or you are helping the enemy make your brother stumble!” That’s simply not the truth. I was not dressed like a stripper. I could not control how large my bustline was, and if my brother stumbled when I had done what I needed to in order to be respectful of myself and everyone around me, that said something about his walk and not about mine. See, in my constant pursuit of Christ, my eyes were fixed on the right standard- Jesus. I needed to pursue what He had for me, not what people expected of me. 

I have a beautiful five year old, and we talk about this already. We talk about the fact that how beautiful her heart is matters more than the beauty of her face because that beauty is not fleeting. Make no mistake, I tell her she’s beautiful all the time because she is. I never want her to be ashamed of her beauty. I just never want her to think that’s the most important thing about her. People tell her she’s pretty all the time, but I always also tell he she’s smart and funny and kind and a wonderful helper and a great friend and many more things. I want her to be modest where it counts! 

That isn’t to say that we don’t talk about respecting her body by dressing appropriately. At five, I already have to scour clothing sections for shorts that aren’t so short they are underwear and bathing suits that aren’t string bikinis. She understands more and more why we buy the clothes we do, and I hope that instills in her respect for herself.

I really hope that women can stop being where the buck stops here. The more I consider this, the more I see the weight of responsibility not just in how I raise my daughter, but also in how I raise my sons. I hope they get a real picture of modesty in a way that matters. I hope they do not stumble and fall into looking at women as objects of pleasure. I hope they know that what a woman looks like isn’t the part of her that they will partner with in a marriage or  raising a family. Her heart is what will raise any children they may be blessed to have. I hope they own their responsibility for how they walk before the Lord, and I sure hope they never blame any stumbling on the clothing choice another person makes. 

God Spanks!

Tags

disciplining, kindness, Parenting, sin, sinners, spanking

I’ve struggled with this one. I’ve struggled for the right words, but I’ve also struggled with how to walk this out in my life. 

I love my babies. I love them fiercely. I love them deeply. There’s not a single thing I wouldn’t do or sacrifice for their good. In the midst of this deep love, I’ve also had to learn to be tough in discipline. I think in some ways we think that disciplining and being loving are opposites, but they are really two sides of the same coin. 

I have seen the results of children not being disciplined at two extremes and in areas in between. I volunteered at a place where we ministered to at-risk youth for almost three years. Most of these kids didn’t have parents actively involved in their lives in any way. For the most part, their first brush with discipline was handed down from a judge. A good number of them had never had any real consequences for their behavior. The ones who did, had never known loving correction that hoped to push them to what was better. They knew physical abuse. They didn’t respect discipline or take it seriously. 

I’ve seen the other end of the spectrum for people who were never disciplined who atrophied in their ability to grow up. I don’t just mean not spanked; I mean never made to take responsibility. If you never have to work for anything or never learn to accept correction, you won’t hear it from anyone, including the Lord. This looks a lot like someone just being bratty in the way you associate it with a child who didn’t get THE cup they wanted. This looks a lot like someone growing up depending on people instead of Jesus. This looks a lot like someone who will struggle to accept the truth of God when it doesn’t suite them. This is the place I’ve struggled in disciplining my own children. 

For me, as a parent of two kids with language delays, I had to realize that I was so excited when they could ask for things or when they could communicate a need, I just wanted to give whatever I could to them because I was so proud. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is not necessarily a good thing either. I had to pay attention to the fact that I could not get on the train of giving them their way all the time. No matter the challenge they are facing, they needed me to love them through discipline. Every child has a challenge. Every child is a sinner who needs to be trained up to know which way to go. 

If you’ve ever been with any child long enough, you will see their bend to many things which will not build good character or godliness if not corrected. One example is selfishness. “Mine!” “That’s my toy!” “Those are MY goldfish!” WE DON’T HAVE TO TEACH THIS! They are born knowing how to be selfish. It’s our job to point them in the right direction. It’s our job to discipline out that behavior. 

I don’t just mean spanking either. I do spank my kids, but I do it as a last resort. Before I spank them, I speak to them in the language of repentance. I talk to them about what they did. I tell them why it was wrong or not okay. I then ask them to turn from it and to make a better choice and to what is right and good. That’s a picture of repentance- it’s not just knowing something is wrong, but it’s turning from and abandoning that sin to move onto what is right and pleasing to God. I speak to them in the language of repentance now so that when God does, they will already know how this sounds. I also require that they make amends when they’ve hurt someone. I think that’s huge. I think that requiring a child to look someone in the eye and say they are sorry for biting/knocking down their blocks/hurting their feelings/or whatever, builds humility and character in them that teaches something important- the willingness to own up to their wrongdoing and to try to make it right. Especially in the world filled with anonymous bullies hidden behind devices who feel like they can say anything, I think this is important. 

I hear the sentiment and statement a lot that, “Kids are mean!” How about we as the global parenting community do something about that? Fixing this starts with me. Fixing this starts with you. 

I can’t scream these values into my children. I can’t yell at them enough for them to get these things. I can’t verbally or physically abuse them and expect them to believe I love them. “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” – Romans 2:4

In kindness and love we have to discipline, but that doesn’t mean not stepping into the mess and seeing these behaviors as what they are. They are sins. I know a pastor who used the illustration of his daughter playing in the dog’s bowl of water. Everyone thought, “That’s funny!” when they heard the splashing and found her soaked head to toe. They’d never really told her not to do this because as any parent knows, there are words you don’t think you’ll ever have to say. He looked at her and told her to stop. She made eye contact with him, slowly raised her arms over her head, and then slammed her fists into the water again. It was in this moment where everyone else laughed that he realized her choosing to rebel against her father was her first act of defiance that was intentional. He realized that is was also enough to separate her from God forever. Do we take these places of our kids sinning so seriously that we would consider it that way? If we did, I think that we would not let so many things go. I think we would see their sin as a bear that we were determined to kill before it could kill them. Would you let a savage bear run full steam at your kid ready to devour them without stepping in the way and fighting it off anyway you could? 

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.”  – Proverbs 3:11-12

God spanks. He spanks because He loves us, and because He’s calling us to something greater. I am praying for the wisdom all the time to love my children enough to discipline them well. If I don’t, I’ve seen the end results and possible outcomes for undisciplined children, and I want more than that for them. I won’t and can’t abandon them in their sin. I love them too much for that. Also, do any of us want to raise self-indulgent jerks who only think of themselves, who don’t take responsibility for their actions, who treat others poorly, and live with a deaf ear and fist raised at the throne of God? I don’t want to raise those people, and I don’t want my children marrying them. I hope that parents everywhere can agree on that.

Love Each Other Deeply!

Tags

Easter, Friendship, Kingdom Service, love

Today is one of my favorite days. It’s Easter. As a believer in Christ, everything about celebrating the death and resurrection of Jesus sends my heart soaring. As a little girl I remember my mind and heart connecting to how special this day was years before I was on my face seeing what the Cross accomplished for me. 

There are so many things that flow from that place. There are so many things to love that flow from that place and these verses were lived in my life this weekend: 

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. – 1 John 4:16-19

One of the things I’ve taught my kids  is that we know God loves us because Jesus was on the Cross. It’s in that place we see the depth of God’s desire to be in relationship with us at the cost of His Son, and we see Jesus and His love for His Father as well as His love for us that held Him on the Cross until death was swallowed up in victory. Praise Jesus! 

This weekend I was reminded of something so precious as I considered Easter. I was in Texas to help with a baby shower for one of the dearest people in the world, my friend Lauren. As we were working and setting up, feeling the ease of our friendly banter and teasing among all of us felt like home.

I watched two of the best ladies I know who have been friends for years laugh and tease like sisters all while loving each other and serving with ease and joy. The depth of their love for God and everyone around them made it look like ease. Thank you Debbie and Carol. You both inspire my heart and show what life-long friendship looks like loving with the depth we were given because of Easter. 

Then I got to see one of the most humble people I’ve ever met do what I’ve always seen him do- Ronnie worked to support everything going on as invisibly as he could with the most willing spirit that never calls attention to itself. Ronnie and Debbie seamlessly served and worked for everyone else’s comfort and enjoyment as such a solid husband and wife team. They never made it look like work, but it really was. I hope I learn to walk in such graciousness. 

It’s no wonder Alissa is who she is when you know her momma and daddy, Debbie and Ronnie. She was up early each day to work and get things ready to celebrate Lauren and the friendship they’ve had their entire lives. She did everything she did because of the deep love and friendship with joy in her heart to serve and bless Lauren. She even hosted me at her house while we worked to get everything set up there! We bicker like sisters and we always tease that we’re stuck with each other, but the truth is neither of us would have it any other way. 

Seeing Lauren walk in with her sweet Baby Callon bump and hugging her for the first time in so long right along with seeing her momma and getting such a wonderful hug and “I love you!” from Diane was the gentle reminder of the depth of God’s love for me and all of us. We all gathered to celebrate Lauren and her husband Lance and the sweet baby God is knitting together inside her. 

Then I consider my sweet friends I got to see all weekend. From grabbing lunch with Jaime, to cleaning and visiting, to having dinner made for me at Nana’s house, hanging out with Jan, my family driving over just to see me and eat with me, and then seeing everyone at the shower, my hearts swells, my eyes sting, and I can hardly speak passed the lump in my throat. I’m especially thankful to my husband who wanted to keep our three babies so I could have time to go and help while having a bit of time to myself in a crazy season before I start school. 

On this Easter weekend that purchased my salvation and defeated satan, I was reminded that our ability to know love from others and to love others deeply was also won this day. I sent this text message this morning as I got on my plane and was praying:

“I woke up this morning with deep appreciation for what this day means, and I prayed in thanksgiving realizing that one thing we learn today is how to love each other the way Christ did. My heart is eternally thankful for the friendships we have and the love God has given us for each other. I’m so glad that has held us all together, no matter the miles or time that passes.”

While we arranged food, teased over folding and saving tissue paper and gift bags with Ashlee and Lindsay, and talked sassy to each other, I realized that it’s been about half my life now that God has made these friendships a part of our stories.

We have walked with each other through the sunshine and through hurricanes. We have seen each other at our best and worst, and none of it changed an ounce of how much we love each other. That kind of love is a gift from God. That kind of love never fades. That kind of love was won and displayed on Easter. 

I’m thankful that these friendships have taught me so much over the last almost 15 years. I’m thankful that love like this has created friendships that feel like ease. No matter how long we’ve been apart we truly pick right back up. I think it’s because in that time apart we are always encouraging and praying for each other. How incredibly special is that? If you’re ever blessed with those kind of friendships, never stop nurturing them. 

I’m thankful at Easter always because it is the day to know that the body of Christ was broken for me. His blood was shed for me. It’s deeply personal and deeply real in my mind and heart, always, but it’s especially remembered today. 

The shirt I wore on the plane home said “Love each other deeply” 1 Peter 4:8. I had no idea how timely a reminder that would be when I packed it, but I am thankful today for the Cross and it teaching us just how to do that. 

Marriage Is…

Tags

christian marriage, grace, marriage, sanctification, storms, trials

Hard. Marriage is hard. I’ve been looking back on what has been what feels like just a few moments, but in reality, it’s been ten years. Just about ten years ago Rob and I were married, and in that time, I’ve learned so much that I will surely not remember to say it all here. This will probably become at least a two part series. 

One of the foundational things I’ve learned is that God is not concerned about my happiness in marriage, but He is infinitely concerned about my joy in marriage. Those are not the same thing. 

Happiness is fleeting. It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows. Happiness can be shattered by a stubbed toe or being cut off in traffic. Happiness is cheap compared to joy. God is concerned about my joy in marriage – just like He is concerned about my joy in every other place. 

Joy is not so easily shaken. Joy reaches deep down into my roots and stabilizes me in those deepest of places. Joy that is that deep keeps me from being blown about when the storms come. The storms have come in our marriage and they will surely come in the future. Without that deep joy anchoring us, we wouldn’t have made it through. 

Our joy being found in Christ is what has helped us through the storms and back to steady seas. Those seas have been turbulent at times. We are not perfect. We are both sinners. Remembering that has honestly been a big help. Even when we sin differently, we are both in need of the grace all the time. Remembering this reminds us to extend that grace- even when we don’t feel like it. 

“Love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that always acts on behalf of its object.” Dr. Voddie Baucham gives this definition and it’s one of those treasures that has served as an anchor. This is a different definition than most people would use because most “love” is driven by feelings. “You did this and made me feel that!” “You only think about yourself!” “You hurt me!” “You don’t make me happy anymore!” Love lived that way is fleeting. Loved lived that way is selfish. Love lived that way is conditional. Love driven by emotion is being on rough seas with a hole in your boat that you are both too mad to plug so you sink and drown together instead of setting aside your pride to get to what caused the hole in the first place. 

Marriages fail. Marriages fail all the time in and out of the church. Marriages end before the exit. Marriages don’t even have to be nullified by divorce to be over. Marriages begin their end long before anyone walks away. Marriages fail when the way we love is more concerned with happiness than deep joy. Marriages fail when we are in it for ourselves. Marriages fail when we can’t get our eyes off ourselves enough to see that we have been wrong too. It’s easy to think, “If he/she would just not do X and get her/his crap together, we wouldn’t have these problems!”

How do we get there? How do we thrive and come out of the storm together? Well, it’s not in the rough seas. It’s too late to pack a life jacket if you didn’t do it before you left the shore. It’s in everything you did before the seas got rough. “Train for the trial you aren’t yet it.”- Levi Lusko. It’s what you do everyday before that makes or breaks you. It’s how you abide in the Lord. It’s how you pray. It’s how you pursue God’s heart. It’s a lot like sanctification. 

Sanctification does not happen over night. You have to do the hard yards of walking with Jesus. Marriage is an overflow of that. As you pursue God’s heart you see marriage for what He says it is, not what your feelings say. It is always to be a display of His splendor and love for His church.  

In this I would also say that there are probably submission issues at every level. If the husband isn’t properly submitting to the Lord in how He’s operating in his marriage, he won’t love with a self-sacrificing love. If a wife is not being loved well, the usual default (not correct one) is to neither respect or submit to her husband. This lack of submission is often what keeps the fight going because it’s not living marriage God’s way. It’s about power and winning. Here’s the truth, there is no way one person can win this fight. Either you both win or you both lose. There’s no other result. 

That’s a heavy responsibility. It can’t be blown off. It can’t be ignored because you don’t feel like it today. It demands the laying down of self and the honoring of who Christ has been. Unconditionally. No one deserves that kind of love. We all mess up, but how much better would life be if we could always strive for this?

I’m writing this ten years in. If you’re just starting out and are ready to throw your hands up, hear me: JUST LIKE SANCTIFICATION, THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT! 

Begin each day by training for trials that will come. Seek the Lord and shelter yourself in His promises and the love He has for you. He should be your first counselor. He has also given you people to walk with. Don’t go it alone if things get rocky. Seek wise counsel from people who love you and the Lord who will only take the side of your marriage. That is very important. 

You will both see your own side clearly. Get passed that and onto the side that says I have to be for US and never just for ME! It’s never just about you again. 

I have so much more to learn, but the things I know after a decade as a wife it’s that marriage is serious. Marriage is hard. Marriage requires me to press into God so that I can love and forgive like He does. Marriage is also the second best gift I’ve ever been given. 

I look back on adventures that included being excited about having sandwich stuff, gas in our cars to make it to work and school, and $5 left the day before one of us got paid. I look back on traveling and seeing things and places I always dreamed of. I look back on pushing each other to be our best and reach our dreams. I look back on feeling baby kicks and watching our children take their first breaths. I look back and realize that there is so much that lies ahead. I am thankful for it all, and I can’t wait to see what’s next! 

Love you Rob. Always. No matter what!