Starve Fear

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Christian, Christian Women, COVID19, Family, Fear, Friendship, God's grace, God's truth, grace, gratitude, hope, hope in Christ, identity in Christ, Kingdom Service, letting go, love, motherhood, pandemic, parenthood, Parenting, prayer, quarantine, raising children, trusting God, Women

I just had a wonderful conversation with a friend about some of the really hard things we’re facing as a global community, but also the hard things that are sitting on her shoulders. It wasn’t wonderful because of the heaviness; it was wonderful because we loved each other through it.

It’s hard not to feel the weight and fear of uncertainty right now. For those of us who struggle with anxiety, it’s real. It’s tangible. It shows up in our bodies. It’s the lump you can’t swallow. It makes your mind spiral. It crushes hope. It makes the worst case scenario seem like the only outcome.

In these moments, I’m thankful for a faith that teaches me truth. In these moments, which are real, I have to remember that the truth is even more real than my fear.

As I cling to truth, I am also pushed toward gratitude. I am reminded to cure those feelings I need to be grateful for what is real and right and good in this moment. Spiraling out and my mind taking me to places filled with the unknown is not the cure.

Focusing on the now. Taking care of what I can control. Finding joy in the moments that aren’t what I had planned but are still sweet. Being so so thankful and grateful for the health in my body and in the bodies of my family. Being thankful for creative ideas being shared. Seeing others rise up for each other.

I know this pandemic will pass. I know that we are living with some of the most brilliant minds that have ever lived. There’s a global push forward and through. We will get through this. As generations before us survived so much without the amazing advances in every societal area, we will make it through.

In the meantime, focus on the now. Be wise and plan the things you need to, but don’t hold those plans too tightly. Be flexible. Breathe. Focus on gratitude. Pray. Never forget that you aren’t alone. None of us are, and we can help encourage each other.

Starve the fear so much that gratitude has more room to grow. Fear dies when you don’t look at it and feed it. It will pass. One quarantined day at a time. ❤️

Explaining Racism

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activists, civil rights, hatred, I have a dream, MLK, motherhood, parenthood, Parenting, Prejudice, racism, the gospel

Nothing makes racism sound more absurd than trying to explain it to an 8 year old.

There’s no real way to make something so ridiculous make sense to someone whose mind can’t conceive hating and enslaving and subjugating people because of your own fears and prejudices.

The truth is that hatred, no matter the targeted group, shouldn’t make sense to any of us.

My daughter came home with question after question after learning about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. at school again this year. She couldn’t understand why anyone would kill him for trying to make things equal. She didn’t and couldn’t understand why the world allowed for things to be that way at all.

We have spent the weekend talking about who MLK was historically, but also how who he was makes our family possible today.

Imagine having to explain to your child that your marriage was not legal in the lifetime of their grandparents where you live. Without the work of countless people, I could not have married my husband. Let that sink in.

We couldn’t have attended the same university, church events, or loved each other without there being life-threatening consequences.

It’s something so hard to imagine. It’s something that we want to believe was so long ago, but it wasn’t. The fight for equality and fairness in and under the law has not been attained still, but EVERY STEP FORWARD MATTERS.

Every step matters for the generations who are being born now who will look back at us and see how much more we had than those just one generation before us. One day, we will all be judged solely by the content of our character if we have the boldness to teach that to the generations being raised up.

This is not an easy cycle to break or conversation have, but if it matters, you have to engage it. It’s not nearly enough to say racism is wrong. You have to call it what it is and not be comfortable around it. You have to show your kids what it means to live like it’s wrong beyond what you say.

You have to live like you don’t want there to be any place for it in our world, and if we can do that with courage of conviction, there’s hope that one day, his dream will be fully realized.

My Weary World…

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Anxiety, Christian, Christian Women, courage, Family, Fear, God's love, Healing, hope, hope in Christ, hurt, identity in Christ, love, motherhood, oh holy night, parenthood, Parenting, prayer, the gospel, trials, unconditional love, weariness, Women

Oh Holy Night is one of my favorite Christmas hymns. I love the melody, the lyrics, and the way it cuts right through me and into the places that need to be reminded.

I feel so connected with this song and to God when I raise my voice to sing it. As the words fill my ears and heart, I’m reminded of what a wonderful birth did for me.

I’m also reminded of one phrase I wish I cherished more. On Christmas there was born a Savior, and “…a new and glorious morn.” The morning breaks the dark sky with light. Darkness is dispelled and conquered by a magnificent, colorful sky. In the same way, Jesus broke all my darkness with the light of hope, but I am not always mindful that is true everyday.

In times of anxiety, in times of restlessness, in times of sickness, in times of acclaim, in times of triumph, EVERY DAY IS A NEW AND GLORIOUS MORN!

I forget that. I forget that when I’m so tired I don’t want to get out of bed. In this long season of sickness I’ve been fighting through, I forget that each day is an opportunity to fall on my knees in my weariness and rejoice. In all things. Through all things, my Savior was born in a stable, died on a tree, and is alive at the right hand of God. He is praying for me.

He knows the hairs on my head so even in every affliction, my preciousness to Him is not lost. In suffering, He knows my name and intercedes for me. When I stumble and end up scraped in bloody fight to get on my feet again, He is singing over me and rejoicing in the fact that I am His.

He has promised to make something beautiful on the other side of the refining fire for my good and His glory.

In my weary world, I can remember that in this focused season of remembering the start of Christ coming to save me, He came knowing what I would be up against. He came knowing how far He would go to defeat it, and He did. In the moments that I feel like His face has turned from me, I am wrong. He endured that so I’d never have to. He is there. He is waiting. He loves me.

I pray that I would have eyes to see that the morning we will celebrate tomorrow is the first that changed everything. With it came “The thrill of hope…” and that hope is mine- in all things, at all times because of that blessed holy night.

Sorrows

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affirmation, Anxiety, biblical truth, Christian, Christian Values, Christian Women, Death Grief, faith, Family, God's grace, God's love, God's truth, grace, gratitude, grief, Healing, hope, hope in Christ, hurt, identity in Christ, love, miscarriage, prayer, pregnancy, the gospel, tragedy, trials, trusting God, truth, unconditional love, Women

Today I’ve been listening to a song over and over. I woke up with it in my heart not knowing God was preparing a balm I would need.

“In all my sorrows, Jesus is better. Make my life believe…”

This is something I didn’t know would be necessary for today. In the heaviness in knowing people you love are suffering, it’s hard to see the truth over the situation beyond the devastation in it.

It has been a devastating day. I have sat frozen, unable to know what to do or think. Then the melody fills that empty seeming space…

He’s better. He is our hope. Today, He’s having to make my heart believe, but He has gone before. He prepared the way. He knew this grief and suffering, and He made a way for Him to be our eternal comfort. He isn’t angry at our needing to be comforted. He is standing by- ready to remind, to restore, to heal, and in that, my heart can believe.

Truly, in Him the anthem is “Glory, glory…” In Him there is something to be eternally grateful for- even if we have to wait until then to hold that and be wrapped up in it for a never-ending love and celebration.

Today, though my heart is better, Jesus is better and bigger, and in that, my soul can rest.

Church Clothes

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Christian Values, Christian Women, Christianity, church, compassion, God's grace, God's love, God's truth, grace, hope, identity in Christ, image bearer, kindness, Kingdom Service, parenthood, Serving, sonship, the gospel

After church, we went to lunch as a family. This felt so special today. My health has been up and down and all over the place. I have missed church. I long to be in that place. Entering into worship, hearing the word of God, fellowship and community, communion- I could go on. It is precious to me.

My soul felt full after church today. Rob and I talked about that feeling of being loved and known by our church family as we drove to lunch at Chuy’s.

We were enjoying our lunch when part of a large group was seated on the patio near us. As soon as they were seated, they began demanding- not requesting. Over the course of about half an hour the rest of the party arrived and the demands grew.

• Open the plastic patio screens.
• I want more napkins now.
• We want someone waiting on us now. At first they didn’t want anything until everyone arrived, but the second their minds changed- physic powers of the staff were supposed to know that.
• Get us drinks. Now.
• They began unzipping and undoing the plastic patio screens themselves.
• They didn’t like the salt shakers.
• We need our drinks faster.
• We want chips now.
• I’ll just do it myself if you aren’t going to do this now.
• Last person is here, get her a drink now.

I felt like my head was going to explode. I called our server over. He was helping the server with this table- along with a manager and three busboys. They stopped every person who walked through the area and told them to bring them something. Again, they didn’t ask. They didn’t say please. They demanded.

I asked him to let that server know that no matter what she did, she was not going to satisfy them. They were going to complain and demand, and it wasn’t her fault. I asked him to let the manager know they were being rude and awful to her. I told him I had waited tables, and the manager needed to know how they were treating the staff.

He thanked me and said he was just trying to help her out because they were being so difficult. I told him it was easy to see and that they just needed to do the best they could. The manager stopped by a little while later and I told her how hard the staff were working for such rude customers and she thanked me for letting her know, and she also thanked us because the servers told her how nice our table had been.

Before we left I got the chance to talk to the server at that table. She came over and I told get how sorry I was they were treating her so badly. She was almost in tears. She said they were so rude and she was just overwhelmed. Next I said this, “One of the things that bothers me most is that they are dressed in clothes that look like they just came from church. I want you to know that the lack of grace and kindness and compassion they are showing you is not a reflection of the heart of Jesus for you.”

She looked kind of shocked and said thank you so much.

Here’s the reason why I am writing this post. Your life is your ministry. Who you are when you leave church on Sunday matters. Wearing a cross and “church clothes” out to lunch after you leave church services while you are rude and demanding and impatient and lack basic human decency MAKES A MOCKERY OF THE HOPE OF THE GOSPEL!

It matters infinitely how you treat people, and it’s just pageantry to attend a service and go back into the world unchanged. It mocks the very heart of God and makes the gospel repellent to a world that needs to hear it if you are supposed to be an image bearer of the one it testifies to, but you treat people like garbage because you think you are entitled to.

It matters. It has to matter that we are known by how we love and interact with those we meet and those our lives intersect with everyday. When you get the chance, make those moments count, and be a person who says to someone, the heart of God is for you by how you treat and engage them.

Open Letter from a SPED Parent

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autism, Christian Values, courage, exceptionalities, Fear, God's love, high functioning autism, hope in Christ, motherhood, parenthood, Parenting, protecting children, raising children, Serving, special education, special education parenting, sped teachers, trusting God, unconditional love

I am the parent who buys extra Kleenex. I’m the parent who will bring you whatever you need for your classroom. I will show up for parties and field trips.

I’m the parent who stresses and prays all summer for a teacher who has the heart to take the time to see my children for who they are and who will give them a chance. I hope that for every child around them too.

I hope you realize that I am so nervous to entrust them to you. I hope that you realize that I have lost sleep over the idea that because I have a child on spectrum, you may not want him in your class.

This is not true of the teachers I am friends with and for that, I am thankful, but I know these people are out there. These people will never look at Ethan and see his potential; they will only see someone burdensome to deal with.

To the teachers who love kids no matter their challenges and struggles, thank you. Thank you for creating a safe, loving environment where my child can be seen and loved and included. Thank you for wanting them to flourish and grow. Thank you for showing up for him. Thank you for adoring him on the hardest of days. Thank you for showing them the very heart of God by loving them unconditionally.

For those who would try strip any part of his personhood away from him, GO DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH YOURSELF. You do not deserve the honor of knowing him, and you certainly should not have other children entrusted to you. To these people, I hope I never have to know you, but if you ever try to harm my child through your disdain of his presence, you will not succeed.

If you can see a person with an exceptionality in any situation and hate their very existence to the point that you would be disgusted by having to interact with them, you are the worst kind of person and your heart is filled with the kind of hate that makes this world a scary place for my son and for me.

If you are the parent who wonders and hopes that your child will be loved, you are not alone. If you are the parent who ever faces this teacher, stand up for your child, and do not give them an inch of room to degrade your child.

Ruined

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anger, Anxiety, Christian, Christian Women, desperation, Family, Fear, God's love, grief, identity in Christ, justice, love, prayer, sadness, sorrow, trusting God, unconditional love

The last few months have been hard. That word isn’t adequate. I have been slain. Things have been broken and torn that will never repair. Yet…

In this suffering I am reminded of how much this world is not my home. In this suffering my heart has known tremendous grief. In celebrating the ending of the life of someone so beloved by me, I grieved. In her life, she was always for me. She always loved me and advocated for me. In that, the pain of loss has been great, but yet, I could still celebrate her reception into the presence of her greatest Love.

That my mind can celebrate. That my heart can find relief in. The assurance of knowing that I will rejoice with her again is a balm for my soul.

There is one I can not reconcile. There is one who I feel is so lost to me. There is one I’m grieving while there is still life in their body. There is one wound I do not know what can mend.

To know you love someone so deeply who you may never see again, ever, is heavy. It is excruciating. It hurts without there ever being a promise of any kind of relief.

Everything hurts for what all has been ruined. All the lives. All the pain. All the suffering.

Yet God in the midst has reminded me that breath in lungs mean that the story isn’t over. It is not over. His heart is still for them. There is room at the cross for them. The mantle given to me has been prayer. I am praying so much I can not sleep.

Though I am tired and slain and my heart is ruined, I know that in this suffering God is good. He is merciful. He endured a scourging and a separation I will never know. The cross broke Him and showed that God’s heart is about justice. Justice is not circumstantial, and our ideas of what that means can not give way- no matter the situation. Our hearts are made to seek justice all while remembering grace. There is grace. If there was grace for my sin that killed Jesus, there is grace for anyone else.

That is what haunts me and make me pray, but I want my own anger that feels so justified. As I pray and God rips my heart apart over my disobedience, I am moved to love.

I can not help but love all those involved, but more than that, I love my God in this suffering. He suffered worse. He knows the grief in my heart because I truly believe it is in His heart too.

So today, where it all feels ruined, He is doing something with what we ruin. When there is only grief, He has a dawn assured to bring new mercies that can wash it all clean. In these hours, I will trust in the Lord to be everything all of us need- sanctifying, healer, and redeemer.

All is not lost, God is on the move.

A Country of Dreamers

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democracy, dreamers, freedom, global citizenship, global freedom, gratitude, hope, Independence Day, oppression

Long ago, before our country was the pinnacle of democracy, it was an experiment undertaken by people who said, “No more!” They were oppressed, and fed up with the treatment from their government and decided it was time to rebel and move forward in a different direction. Pen in hand, they crafted something that shook and changed the world.

I do not think everything each one did individually was always right or good, but because their courage to look forward, I have never known the oppression they faced; I have never known the oppression many have faced because they stared down those in power and control with the shout of, “No more!” The rebellion we celebrate today, the Civil Rights Movement, and the right for women to vote shape my reality in ways many who went before me dreamed of. We have always been a country of dreamers.

I think we forget what democracy costs. I think we forget that America was born out of costly rebellion which means freedom for us today. We can’t imagine a place where we don’t have a voice. We can’t imagine a place where things aren’t designed to protect us. We were born into something that began long before us, and my hope is that it continues long after us. We can’t take it for granted by not realizing how unique and special that democracy is. We can’t forget that it matters more than affiliations.

We are the pinnacle that the world has looked to historically. The place where people can participate in their government and buck their government by protesting policies or voting in new leaders. This idea is bigger than just us. It’s hope in a world where those things aren’t possible without consequences you will never face. They are so horrendous, we can’t fathom a government enacting them.

Remember what a blessing that is. Don’t hoard it. Hope to give it away so it can grow and never stop being our right or the hope for global communities who are oppressed, exploited, and murdered by their government every single day. Don’t forget that their not being born here should not eliminate the preciousness of their life. Either all life is precious or none is. Celebrate your freedom today by hoping it for others.

Christ Over Politics

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Christian, Christian Values, conservative politics, God's grace, God's love, God's truth, hope in Christ, identity in Christ, idols, Kingdom Service, politics, sonship, the gospel, unconditional love

I’m sure this is going to be offensive to some. If you find offense first, I hope you would consider that the words here are spoken in love. I know where I live. I know I’m in the conservative Bible Belt, but I can’t not say this anymore…

BEING CHRISTIAN AND REPUBLICAN AREN’T SYNONYMS!

Okay, now that I’ve said it, I have more to say about it.

It’s absolutely heart breaking to see people I’ve long loved and respected pretend or turn a blind eye or try to explain away horrible things that are happening in the world so they can remain loyal republicans. If you have to do that in order to defend what is atrocious, you should consider who you are called to be first and what is most important. If you can excuse literally anything in the name of party loyalty, then your sense of politics or patriotism, if you can call it that, are an idol.

What is actually true? What lengths do you have to go through to try to justify things that are being said and done? Who are you having to hate in order to remain loyal? Whose humanity are you having to forget in order to hold your party line? It doesn’t matter to me how you vote. If you’re having to do any of these things to have party loyalty, IT IS WRONG!

I know that every side of politics have major issues today. I’m not blind to that. I’m not just blaming one side, but the fact that I won’t support everything the republican administration or party allows and stands for does not mean that I don’t love Jesus. I’m tired of that being the undertone of so many things I hear and see.

I’m so tired of reading posts about how loving God means being “conservative.” I see posts about heaven’s gates being justification for walls. In truth, God sent His Son so that none should perish. It is by His stripes that we have access to knowing Him forever. It was through the graciousness of a God who loves the world that He made a way into His presence, for all the nations. No one deserves to be with Him forever, and we couldn’t have earned that. He desires that all would draw near to Him. He opened up a way for us to know His love at the greatest cost to Himself. Yet people will take and malign that truth to make a sorted and heinous comparison to what it means to serve a God that made a way and place for you that was undeserved.

To quote my husband, “The immigration policy of heaven is grace at the pleasure of the King who desires all to come in. No moral uprightness, opinion, rule or law following qualifies or earns your place inside the Kingdom. As citizens, it is our God given mission to invite others to be with us where our Father is. Any looking down our nose at those outside are indications of the sinful pride, entitlement, and selfishness in our hearts and says nothing of those outside. This analogy is the opposite of the Gospel and indicative of the culture that says we for some reason deserve the membership we have and ignores that we are equally deserving of hell as every other human soul. And only by the pleasure of a gracious King have we a hope of entrance through the gate. This analogy should encourage us to welcome others so that they may hear rather than dissuade them. Forget American borders for a minute. A dying world needs the Gospel. And if your patriotism prevents you from weeping over the plight of the hungry and oppressed then your patriotism is an idol.”

Either all life is precious or none is. Either we lay down our lives for others, or we don’t. Don’t pretend it can work both ways. We can’t have truths that we conveniently forget about in order to believe something that pushes back against them.

If we give up the truths of God to believe anything more than them, we don’t really love Him most. Again, check what is most important. For Christians, it should not be politics.

I think the fact that I love Him so much that I can see the wrong and step back and say, “No! This is not okay!” is a bigger testament of honoring Him first. How? How can I be expected to be okay with the things that are happening and being said in the world just so that I can participate and support something that isn’t eternal and shouldn’t be my moral compass?

When it comes right down to it, I can see where politicians go for those “hot-button” issues that are supposed to matter at the heart of what we believe so they can get elected. Once in office, they don’t take the lead on any kind of legislation or policy changes or fight to end them. For me, those things that stir people up and make them feel obligated to vote one way or the other have just become talking points and a means to get votes since they are not actively fighting to change them once elected.

If I have to choose between politics and holding fast to what I believe to be true, I will hold what means everything to me in the highest place. I will love others no matter how they vote. I will love them no matter where they are born. I will love them no matter what we disagree on. I will love them enough to have every hope that they can share in the opportunities I have known. I will love them and stand for what I know is right- not what it takes to be a good, Christian republican.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s good and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:16-18

The Strength To Let Got

Tags

Christian Women, letting go, strength, the gospel, trusting God

It’s hard to know when you don’t need to be strong when that’s been your only option. Either through circumstances beyond you control or through the consequences of your own choices, it somehow becomes ingrained in the fabric of your very person that you have to always be strong. Always be a contender. Always fight for everything you want. Work. Earn it.

That message on repeat can be a driving force toward ambition, but it shouts louder than words you need to hear. It pushes back against words like these: mercy, grace, faithfulness, and hope.

In this cycle mistakes can undo all the work you’ve done. There is no forgiveness for yourself or others. You begin to only count on yourself- never fully trusting that you can count on anyone else. The only thing to hope in is your best effort, which is flawed.

Anything that feels like not controlling all of those things shows weakness. Remember, you can never show weakness. Your worth is completely and inseparably tied to your success and accomplishments, and those things come by way of your strength.

In this, the idea that you could be loved, unconditionally, as you are, is a laughable. In this, the idea that all that you can do will never satisfy you is unthinkable. In this, acknowledging there could strength for your weakness makes no sense. Considering that there is healing and a desire to make you whole just because you are loved…

Thinking that you are not worthy, but you are accepted is completely counterintuitive. The gospel speaks those truths, and in those truths there is freedom to let go. There is freedom to simply be. No earning. No holding on.

There is strength found in letting go.

In letting go, you grab onto what is truly sustaining and life giving. You find a voice that speaks love over you. You find a strength that is steadfast and true. Unshakable. In this, you learning that being still and being known feel like breathing for the first time.

I was reminded of all these things and where I started in my walk with Christ while listening to Switchfoot’s new album. It’s so so good, and “The Strength To Let Go” held up a mirror that reminded me so of these truths when I needed to hear them. It reminded me to let go and just be.

I can’t help but think that someone else out there needs that reminder too. I pray you find the strength to let go where you need to!