I don’t give myself enough credit or grace, but I don’t think I’m alone in that. When I drop one ball, no matter how many others are STILL in the air, I feel it deeply.
Yesterday was tricycle parade day at kid’s day out for Joshua. I read the flyer, but:
1. I forgot.
2. I missed the part about them wearing their costumes.
3. I missed the part about needing to bring a tricycle.
Oh the trifecta of failure!
Here’s what happened. I carried Joshua into the gym, and since momma’s arms are his favorite mode of transportation, and I wasn’t leaving right then, he was thrilled.
He and I played chase all over the gym, and he loved running around the cones. All of the kids immediately bailed on their tricycles and ran and played. Joshua did not care that he wasn’t in a costume.
It fell hard on me though as I left headed into the office. After I left work I had to go by Ethan’s school to take his nap mat by since it was left at home Monday and Tuesday morning after I washed it over the weekend. I dropped it in the office, and they were very kind to me. They said that happens all the time, it was no big deal, and that they’d be sure he got it.
A diagnostician was leaving, and she said, “I don’t know why they send those things home so much. You know what happened to my kid’s nap mat when they were that age? It stayed in my car until Monday! We washed them maybe once every 6 weeks, and they were fine! All that they’re doing is giving you too many chances to forget it!”
That. That was what I needed in that moment. Someone who also lives a life with a million balls in the air to say that missing one thing was not a failure. Missing one this was not the end of the world.
That’s where I live. I live in the neighborhood of struggle because to err is human, and I forget that I am. I am a lot of things and have a lot of responsibility, BUT I AM HUMAN. I can make mistakes and not feel any less valid in my efforts.
I know I’m an overachiever. I know that I’ve had to work double time for every opportunity I’ve ever had. I know that aim toward perfection has always been my way, and it’s suffocating.
I see this most when God holds up a mirror when my kids struggle. Right now the biggest place I see this is Lauren. It’s not because we put that pressure on her. She does. She is a little bit too much like me in this area. If she misses the right answer, she gets upset. If everything isn’t 100 percent, she feels like she failed.
God is good in it. He’s giving me chance to change her trajectory. He’s giving me chances to heal this in me by seeing it and having to pour grace over Lauren, I can hear it for myself too. I can hear that getting it wrong is just part of learning. I can hear how 100 percent doesn’t matter as much as learning and trying your best. I can hear that even when you get the wrong answer, you can learn from it to know what to do next time. I get to tell her she just needs to slow down and remember to be patient with herself.
God is so good and He does good for us. He is healing me and teaching her about His heart for her. I am thankful. I am hopeful. I am glad to be His daughter. I am glad that there is grace for this. I am glad to be a part of breaking this cycle for my babies.