Bethlehem Baptist Church

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black history, black lives matter, Christian, faith, freedom, Godliness, gratitude, hope, hope in Christ, hurt, kindness, Kingdom Service, Prejudice, racism, Serving, sonship, the gospel, trusting God, unconditional love

My education of Black History came from those who lived it. I will eternally be thankful for them. My understanding of the events of today is seen through what I know. What I learned most of the kids at school next to me never did, and that is such a shame.

Here’s what I know: we have moved forward, but progress isn’t the same thing as equality. If you think it’s okay to stay silent so others can be comfortable and not have to struggle with inequality, you are wrong. We all have a voice. We all have the ability to challenge the status quo and push toward change.

Joseph Lucas taught me so much. He taught us about his son integrating the Dairy King in Big Lake. He taught us about what it was like to be in the military as a black man and the disparity there. He loved his country, but the whole country he served did not love him. He taught me what it meant to be the new principal at a desegregated school and a black man. He taught me what grace it took to work twice as hard for half as much respect you are due.

Alice Lucas taught me grace. She exuded grace in every smile and word. To this day I remember and love the sound of her voice. She taught me what allies are. Rose McWilliams was the reason she was able to be trained as a nurse. Without her, it wouldn’t have happened. Alice Lucas deserved the opportunity, but without Rose McWilliams, she would not have had it.

Margaret Woodard taught me what it was like to be the first black student to attend the high school in Big Lake; because she was first, I could go too. She was scared and nervous, but she took her place in a moment in history that demanded her courage.

Reverend Hoyle Samuel Smith taught me what it meant to overcome in a time that did not create space for him to succeed. He woke up blind one morning as a child, and had to learn to navigate the world without sight all while still being seen. Watching him love everyone without being able to see them for anything but who they were, showed me what love could be.

These people were kind and loving. They were welcoming to all. Despite that, they were not immune to being seen for their skin color though.

They were called Ni——- and every other slur you can think of. They were not immune from intimidation and racism. They were not safe from the danger of just being alive. They were not allowed to just be the wonderful people they were everywhere they went.

Year after year they taught me a history I would not have known. They challenged us to learn about those who came before and contributed great things to the world. You will not find these names in history books.

Many of you may know the same few names you heard year after year. There’s more. There are more stories that we all need to know. No one should be relegated to anonymity just because of their skin color. So many of my ancestors were over and over again.

I’m proud of the example and education they gave me. I know what I know because of these people who loved me and sang hymns next to me. They loved Jesus and the people around them.

It wounds me so deeply that they weren’t always free to worship next to the people and families they loved and served. They couldn’t join white friends for church or lunch at a restaurant after the services. They couldn’t eat a meal in a restaurant next to the white coworkers they prayed for. They couldn’t just be alive.

I will always deeply love them and be thankful. I will always be thankful for who they were to me. Some of these people didn’t know full equality in their lifetime. I hope to know it in mine.

When people were protesting mandatory quarantine, they did it while screaming in officer’s faces. They did it with AR-15s. They did it with anger over being asked to do what was best to slow a global pandemic. They never saw a drop of tear gas or a rubber bullet. Someday we’ll all have the same right, and that will actually mean something more than a sentiment.

Transformation

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biblical truth, black lives matter, George Floyd, God's grace, God's love, grace, gratitude, grief, Healing, hope in Christ, identity, identity in Christ, Kingdom Service, Prejudice, racism, sin, sonship, the gospel, trusting God, unconditional love

We are all really good at messing things up. We are all really good at making mistakes and hurting people. We are all good at stockpiling bitterness. We are all good at seeing the worst in people as a means of justification when things go badly.

George Floyd’s murder has caused an awakening across the country. It has caused those of sound mind and loving hearts to look at themselves and examine where they are in this conversation. There’s a difference between being “not racist” and being “anti-racist.”

I am anti-racist. I do not care which ethnicity is being targeted. I am not for it. I will not sit and listen to “jokes.” I will not tolerate slurs or stereotypical comments. I am not here for it. I am anti-racist.

That is consistent with the Bible. If you can look at the whole or heart of scripture that is all pointing to Jesus and not see His love for ALL of His creation, you do not know or love the Jesus I do.

He redeems. He transforms. He saves.

At this point, people have done their best to throw out information on who George Floyd was in regards to criminal activity. It is as if his crimes or black in black crime negate who he was trying to become.

I have been who George Floyd was. I was angry and dead in my sin. I made choices that reflected that nature. I am no more deserving of the grace who changed my life than him or anyone else. We forget that when someone’s aim is to point to the place of our failures instead of the King who won a victory for us that we could never deserve.

One of the relationships that changed my life was the one that began my Junior year of high school. Amy became my best friend. Her presence and friendship saved me. Literally. The investment her family made on me changed the trajectory of my entire life.

The first steps toward being who I am today started that year. I will always be thankful for our relationship. The bond we have has not been changed by time or distance. I can still be me and be heard and loved when we talk about anything- the hardest things. She is my family. My sister. My sister in Christ.

She and I were discussing the conversation that some people are trying to pivot toward the mistakes or George Floyd’s past. This is what she said:

“I agree that people’s wrongs shouldn’t be forgotten, but everything [she says] in dismantling his character is the same tactic used when every person commits a crime. We only focus on those wrongs that they’ve committed. But when we only look at a person’s wrongs, we ignore the whole person. When we only look at a person’s good, we ignore the whole person.
This was actually a lesson I put together for my students two years ago because they were struggling to understand why we should care about Odysseus when the Odyssey was about all of the wrong things he did. So I told them about George Washington and Thomas Jefferson and MLK. And that, for the majority of those people that we hold up and support, we forget about their wrongs. Likewise, for those people that we hold up and vilify, we forget about their good. Being a criminal is not a reason for someone to be killed. [ ] son was arrested for marijuana possession; if he was black, it would have been very probable for him to die during that-even if he was complying. His death might not have been reported unless it was filmed. And if his family and friends rallied behind him and said he shouldn’t have been killed, other people would have broken down his character and said, ‘he was breaking the law.’”

We are so quick to let people’s mistakes define them all while not wanting people to focus on ours. It’s a fact that we can be so selective about who the gospel is for. It is a fact we can be so selective about who we decide the gospel is for.

My life and very person have been transformed since August 5, 2004. When I think about all of that and what I have become in the years since, I have nothing but gratitude for everyone who loved me through my worst.

If people did not love me passed who I was, none of that would have happened. I don’t know where I would be, but it would not be here.

I pray I never forget how far Jesus has carried me. I pray I never forget His heart for me and ALL people.

Starve Fear

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Christian, Christian Women, COVID19, Family, Fear, Friendship, God's grace, God's truth, grace, gratitude, hope, hope in Christ, identity in Christ, Kingdom Service, letting go, love, motherhood, pandemic, parenthood, Parenting, prayer, quarantine, raising children, trusting God, Women

I just had a wonderful conversation with a friend about some of the really hard things we’re facing as a global community, but also the hard things that are sitting on her shoulders. It wasn’t wonderful because of the heaviness; it was wonderful because we loved each other through it.

It’s hard not to feel the weight and fear of uncertainty right now. For those of us who struggle with anxiety, it’s real. It’s tangible. It shows up in our bodies. It’s the lump you can’t swallow. It makes your mind spiral. It crushes hope. It makes the worst case scenario seem like the only outcome.

In these moments, I’m thankful for a faith that teaches me truth. In these moments, which are real, I have to remember that the truth is even more real than my fear.

As I cling to truth, I am also pushed toward gratitude. I am reminded to cure those feelings I need to be grateful for what is real and right and good in this moment. Spiraling out and my mind taking me to places filled with the unknown is not the cure.

Focusing on the now. Taking care of what I can control. Finding joy in the moments that aren’t what I had planned but are still sweet. Being so so thankful and grateful for the health in my body and in the bodies of my family. Being thankful for creative ideas being shared. Seeing others rise up for each other.

I know this pandemic will pass. I know that we are living with some of the most brilliant minds that have ever lived. There’s a global push forward and through. We will get through this. As generations before us survived so much without the amazing advances in every societal area, we will make it through.

In the meantime, focus on the now. Be wise and plan the things you need to, but don’t hold those plans too tightly. Be flexible. Breathe. Focus on gratitude. Pray. Never forget that you aren’t alone. None of us are, and we can help encourage each other.

Starve the fear so much that gratitude has more room to grow. Fear dies when you don’t look at it and feed it. It will pass. One quarantined day at a time. ❤️

Sorrows

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affirmation, Anxiety, biblical truth, Christian, Christian Values, Christian Women, Death Grief, faith, Family, God's grace, God's love, God's truth, grace, gratitude, grief, Healing, hope, hope in Christ, hurt, identity in Christ, love, miscarriage, prayer, pregnancy, the gospel, tragedy, trials, trusting God, truth, unconditional love, Women

Today I’ve been listening to a song over and over. I woke up with it in my heart not knowing God was preparing a balm I would need.

“In all my sorrows, Jesus is better. Make my life believe…”

This is something I didn’t know would be necessary for today. In the heaviness in knowing people you love are suffering, it’s hard to see the truth over the situation beyond the devastation in it.

It has been a devastating day. I have sat frozen, unable to know what to do or think. Then the melody fills that empty seeming space…

He’s better. He is our hope. Today, He’s having to make my heart believe, but He has gone before. He prepared the way. He knew this grief and suffering, and He made a way for Him to be our eternal comfort. He isn’t angry at our needing to be comforted. He is standing by- ready to remind, to restore, to heal, and in that, my heart can believe.

Truly, in Him the anthem is “Glory, glory…” In Him there is something to be eternally grateful for- even if we have to wait until then to hold that and be wrapped up in it for a never-ending love and celebration.

Today, though my heart is better, Jesus is better and bigger, and in that, my soul can rest.

Best Load of Laundry

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affirmation, autism, children, Christian, Christian Values, Christian Women, Developmental delay, engaging family, exceptionalities, expressive language delay, gratitude, high functioning autism, hope, hope in Christ, Kingdom Service, laundry, motherhood, parenthood, Parenting, raising children, Serving, sonship, special education, trusting God, Women

I try really hard to have an an attitude of gratitude towards everything in my life. I know how blessed I am because I know what it means to go without. Laundry is, admittedly, a struggle.

I’m thankful we can clothe our family in clothes that fit. I’m thankful we have the means and machines to keep them clean. I do struggle with being thankful for the process of getting those clothes clean, sorted, folded, and put away. Some days it just seems to take up so much time and energy. At the end of very long days, diving into endless laundry is usually the last thing I want to do. Like I said, I working on the posture of my heart towards it.

After school on Wednesday my boys were having a snack. I was moving clothes from the washing machine to the dryer, and Ethan came and stood in the doorway of the laundry room and said, “Mommy, what are you doing?”

I froze dead in my tracks. In his five years of life, this has never happened. Part of having autism for Ethan means he typically has a general disinterest in what is going on around him. He usually notices I’m doing something, but he’s never come up to me and engaged me like this. I said, “Mommy is doing laundry.” He said, “I can do it!”

One item at a time, he put them in the dryer. He smiled so big and was so proud. We put a dryer sheet in and got it started. I said we needed to put clothes in the washer. He said, “Ethan!” That means he wants to do it, and he did!

After all the laundry was situated, I said, “Ethan, we did it! I’m so proud of you!” He threw his hands over his head and jumped up and down and cheered for himself, with his gigantic, precious smile on his sweet face!

I said, “Ethan, you did a chore. We get to put money in your piggy bank.” He said, “Let’s go!” I got a quarter out of my wallet, though I really wanted to give him a million bucks, and we went to his room. He put the quarter in his piggy bank while he smiled his most proud smile. I got to hug him again and tell him how proud I am.

Those moments. Those moments may not seem like they are worth celebrating in your home. In ours, they are lifeline to hope, and they shine a light on the places we can always see. It’s like there’s always something happening inside Ethan’s mind, and when that door opens a little more, we get to see what’s happening.

So much joy comes in these moments. I can’t wait until that door is all the way open. I can’t wait to see who he becomes. I am so thankful that something I didn’t even want to do became an opportunity for my son to connect with me.

It was the best load of laundry I’ll ever do.

Open Letter from a SPED Parent

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autism, Christian Values, courage, exceptionalities, Fear, God's love, high functioning autism, hope in Christ, motherhood, parenthood, Parenting, protecting children, raising children, Serving, special education, special education parenting, sped teachers, trusting God, unconditional love

I am the parent who buys extra Kleenex. I’m the parent who will bring you whatever you need for your classroom. I will show up for parties and field trips.

I’m the parent who stresses and prays all summer for a teacher who has the heart to take the time to see my children for who they are and who will give them a chance. I hope that for every child around them too.

I hope you realize that I am so nervous to entrust them to you. I hope that you realize that I have lost sleep over the idea that because I have a child on spectrum, you may not want him in your class.

This is not true of the teachers I am friends with and for that, I am thankful, but I know these people are out there. These people will never look at Ethan and see his potential; they will only see someone burdensome to deal with.

To the teachers who love kids no matter their challenges and struggles, thank you. Thank you for creating a safe, loving environment where my child can be seen and loved and included. Thank you for wanting them to flourish and grow. Thank you for showing up for him. Thank you for adoring him on the hardest of days. Thank you for showing them the very heart of God by loving them unconditionally.

For those who would try strip any part of his personhood away from him, GO DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH YOURSELF. You do not deserve the honor of knowing him, and you certainly should not have other children entrusted to you. To these people, I hope I never have to know you, but if you ever try to harm my child through your disdain of his presence, you will not succeed.

If you can see a person with an exceptionality in any situation and hate their very existence to the point that you would be disgusted by having to interact with them, you are the worst kind of person and your heart is filled with the kind of hate that makes this world a scary place for my son and for me.

If you are the parent who wonders and hopes that your child will be loved, you are not alone. If you are the parent who ever faces this teacher, stand up for your child, and do not give them an inch of room to degrade your child.

Ruined

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anger, Anxiety, Christian, Christian Women, desperation, Family, Fear, God's love, grief, identity in Christ, justice, love, prayer, sadness, sorrow, trusting God, unconditional love

The last few months have been hard. That word isn’t adequate. I have been slain. Things have been broken and torn that will never repair. Yet…

In this suffering I am reminded of how much this world is not my home. In this suffering my heart has known tremendous grief. In celebrating the ending of the life of someone so beloved by me, I grieved. In her life, she was always for me. She always loved me and advocated for me. In that, the pain of loss has been great, but yet, I could still celebrate her reception into the presence of her greatest Love.

That my mind can celebrate. That my heart can find relief in. The assurance of knowing that I will rejoice with her again is a balm for my soul.

There is one I can not reconcile. There is one who I feel is so lost to me. There is one I’m grieving while there is still life in their body. There is one wound I do not know what can mend.

To know you love someone so deeply who you may never see again, ever, is heavy. It is excruciating. It hurts without there ever being a promise of any kind of relief.

Everything hurts for what all has been ruined. All the lives. All the pain. All the suffering.

Yet God in the midst has reminded me that breath in lungs mean that the story isn’t over. It is not over. His heart is still for them. There is room at the cross for them. The mantle given to me has been prayer. I am praying so much I can not sleep.

Though I am tired and slain and my heart is ruined, I know that in this suffering God is good. He is merciful. He endured a scourging and a separation I will never know. The cross broke Him and showed that God’s heart is about justice. Justice is not circumstantial, and our ideas of what that means can not give way- no matter the situation. Our hearts are made to seek justice all while remembering grace. There is grace. If there was grace for my sin that killed Jesus, there is grace for anyone else.

That is what haunts me and make me pray, but I want my own anger that feels so justified. As I pray and God rips my heart apart over my disobedience, I am moved to love.

I can not help but love all those involved, but more than that, I love my God in this suffering. He suffered worse. He knows the grief in my heart because I truly believe it is in His heart too.

So today, where it all feels ruined, He is doing something with what we ruin. When there is only grief, He has a dawn assured to bring new mercies that can wash it all clean. In these hours, I will trust in the Lord to be everything all of us need- sanctifying, healer, and redeemer.

All is not lost, God is on the move.

My Cup…

Tags

children, gratitude, motherhood, parenthood, Parenting, raising children, trusting God, Women, working mom

I’ve been a full-time working mom. Everything I’m saying here isn’t meant to knock that choice. No matter what we do in our day to day, there’s scrutiny and penalty.

If you stay home there’s the judgement about what you do in a day, why you don’t contribute to your family financially, and so on. If you work there’s judgement about priorities, what you might miss out on, and so on. Either way, you can be painted into the worst kind of corner by people and their opinions- if you allow it.

Please know that I am not saying anything here to make mommas who work outside their homes full-time feel criticized for that choice. I wouldn’t do that. I am simply going to share my gratitude for the place I’m in now.

I hit the jackpot with my job. I work with an incredible group of people, and have a boss who gives me the flexibility I need to work the way I need to. That’s not a small thing. After finishing Grad school, I felt awkward thinking about applying for jobs. How would I explain the big gap in my resume? Would people take me seriously after taking time to be home?

Before I finished school, my boss was my intern supervisor and he asked if I’d be interested in continuing on in some capacity after graduation if I could do most of my work from home. Umm, YES! Again, I hit the jackpot, and I don’t take that for granted.

The last few weeks I’ve been doing more things that require me to go into work for longer stretches than usual, and I have really enjoyed them. I had so much fun presenting at our mediator training, and am so excited about everything I got to learn at a conference I attended.

At the end of those days, the smiles on the faces of my kiddos made me even more thankful. I’ve been thankful for the work and the experience I get to have at my job. After the last few weeks, I’m even more thankful for all the ways I get to be there for my babies. There were two days I didn’t get to see Ethan or Joshua until I got home at the end of the day. When I walked in and hugged them, I was reminded of what it’s like to miss them, and I’ll be honest- I’m not a fan!

If anything, the last few weeks have made me more grateful for everything in my life. A boss who sees me and gets the phase of life I’m in, co-workers who are some of the best people I’ve ever gotten to work with, and babies I get to pour into during a season I’ll never have again.

I hope your days are filled with people and opportunities than fill you with a deep sense of gratitude. My heart is so full thinking about all I’ve been given. My cup runner over!

Beautiful Daughters

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beauty, Christian, Christian Women, daughters, gender, gender roles, identity in Christ, motherhood, parenthood, Parenting, protecting children, sons, trusting God, Women

My daughter is stunning. She is sunshine personified. She is kind and brave. She is incredibly resilient and strong. She is wise and so incredibly smart. She is the best person I know, and she’s only seven.

At first glance the world will notice how beautiful she is. That’s right on the surface. There’s no work required to see that. There’s no digging into the depths of who she is to see that.

The world and most people in it will probably assume too much to soon about her. That’s what it’s always done to us. Women. We have always been put on display. We’ve always been counted out before we could step into the ring.

Boxed in. Trained to be quiet. Trained to just deal and go on. NOT MY DAUGHTER!

I don’t teach my daughter to be thin. I don’t talk to her about diets. I talk to her about making her body strong and healthy.

I don’t talk to her about fitting in. I talk to her about being herself. I never will encourage her to trade away what is precious about her for acceptance.

God didn’t make her for high school or popularity. He made her for His glory.

In a world filled with little girls who have been abandoned, it’s hard to relate to the idea of God the Father. We hurt because of those letdowns and deep wounds.

We cross our legs, wait to be asked to dance, and grit our teeth holding back our true selves.

Not my daughter. That will not be her life. She’ll know who she is should be celebrated. She’ll have a world full of room for possibilities and dreams. So will my sons, and they will be raised to make room for everyone around them to thrive. They will know there’s enough sunshine for all of us.

I will give that to myself. I will be the example of chasing down my dreams so they know they can too. They’ll know that gender should never determine opportunities. They’ll look beyond the surface. They won’t be trophies and they won’t look for them either.

I want their idea of what is beautiful to be what makes people uniquely and genuinely themselves. I want them to see that for themselves so conforming to any other expectation or standard of beauty isn’t what they reach for or want. They are effortlessly beautiful in who they are.

Not my sons. Not my beautiful daughter.

https://youtu.be/KiioYp28c7QThe Daughters, Little Big Town

God Didn’t Make You

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affirmation, Christian Women, God's grace, God's love, God's truth, hope in Christ, identity, identity in Christ, purpose, sonship, the gospel, trusting God, unconditional love, Women

God didn’t make you for misery.

God didn’t make you without means to a voice.

God didn’t make you for the pursuit of status and stuff.

God didn’t make you so that you would try to earn acceptance and love.

God didn’t make you to exchange who you are for popularity.

God didn’t make you so that you would want anything more than Him.

God didn’t make you to be like everyone else.

God didn’t make you to display your own glory.

God didn’t make you for this world.

God made you for joy found only in Him.

God made you for impact; be a force for good.

God made you to trust in His sufficiency, not worldly comfort.

God made you to know unconditional love and acceptance through the cross of His Son.

God made you to be accepted in His love, not by worldly standards.

God made you to be uniquely and securely you.

God made you to know Him and enjoy Him eternally.

God made you in His time and His purpose to be exactly what the world and His kingdom needed.

God made you to display His splendor and love to a world that desperately needs to see it.

God made you for an eternal home with Him. This world will never be that.

No matter what the world says, remember who you were made to be. Hold fast to truths even when everything and everyone tries to drown them out.